Three for the price of zero.

Apparently I'm getting pretty bad about writing in my blog immediately after a show. I haven't talked about Thursday, and it's already Monday (so I have the show at Laughs and my performance at the Omega Center, and a Bistro show to talk about).

Thursday;
I opened the show at Laughs (I didn't MC, but I was the first guy up) and didn't do as well as I would have hoped. I took my binder on stage and set it on a chair next to the mic-stand. I kind of wanted to bring a very over-the-top set list. If I can find scrolls from which to read announcements
I talked to Kevin White and Mikey Manker about more over-the-top job titles like the Kinko's Customer Service Heroes. I figured other companies would use similar titles to make their positions seem more appealing than they are. We came up with Big and Tasty Engineer (McDonald's worker), Eatery Utinsil Sanitation Specialist (dishwasher) and Electronic Entertainment Artist (Best Buy /Circuit City employee). I need a "fresh" way to approach that, because the way I did it didn't really click...

Saturday;
The Urban Extravaganza started 70 minutes late, and since I had old highschool buddies at my condo waiting to kick off a reunion/bachelor party, I asked Woody if I could lead off. She said it would be alright. Longhorn was hosting and he did a couple up front, then pulled me on. This was where all the lead-off positions and eating-it up front paid off, because I wasn't nervous at all. The first words out of my mouth were "Make some noise for the only white guy in the room". I started with the blackest thing about me, with some additions from my coworker David Fischer, and did some drinking, porn and dumped material. I did about 6 minutes and had fun, the audience listened and laughed. It was a very enjoyable experience. Way better than what I expected. I didn't get to see Brie Johnson's set, because I had to get home to play about 6 hours of Unreal Tournament with my buddies. Hey, I've never claimed to not be lame.

Monday (present day);
I hosted the Bistro show tonight for what started out as 5 to 10, but turned into about 20 people. Again, I had fun, but had to deal with a guy talking over my punch lines, I tried to shut him up but am somewhat unexperienced at it, so I wasn't too effective. I did a little time between Matt Wolff's set and Stevie P's and some more between Stevie's and Clayton's.
I also attempted new words to my Tetris song, but they seemed too "sing-songy". They go to the "B music" from Gameboy's Tetris (which I called "C music" in another blog. Here's the iframe I did in that post.


Imagine these words/lyrics to that beat.

Fat Cat beer, Snuggle and Cheer
some Camping gear, Shakespeare's King Lear,

styrofoam plates, map of state's capitols
shoes to cut, a knife that never dulls,

rocks and pilsner glasses, a wet bar,
karaoke machine, Fender guitar,

children's books, thrillers and mysteries,
miracle Grow, bushes, plants and trees,

vodka, go-karts and throwing darts,
computer parts, crate of pop tarts,
toasters and coasters, ninja posters
and a book on the martial arts,

Adult diapers,

Windshield wipers.

My current project with that is to determine what stanza goes where (and if any should be eliminated). It sounded funny on stage tonight, but I love the 4-line stanza and don't want to have to convert it to the "A-theme" rythem and meter. It'll probably take a while to nail down. If it weren't so late, I'd post audio of how it sounds, but I need to get to bed, so maybe next week.

What do you think about the Tetris song, any products you think I should list?Email me and let me know.

the recpiept would be kind of confusing...

Last night Mikey Manker and I arrived at the Comedy Forum pretty early, where we were joined by Stevie P and Matt Wolff (who was already there). We tossed around some joke ideas, and shot the crap with Al for a bit. I had pretty much planned on doing the same jokes as Tuesday, maybe with an extra joke or two, so I didn't spend a ton of time on my set list. When the pre-show meeting got underway, I learned I was leading off (always a welcome challange). My set wasn't bad; the crowd was pretty unresponsive (I know I can't blame the quality of my set on them) so I detered from my set list and did my Sam's Club closer complete with a DVD-package joke that Mikey requested.
They sell DVDs at Sams club. In bulk. They come in three packs, but it's always two good movies and one they probably couldn't move on it's own. I saw one pack that was Ghostbusters, Scarface and Fern Gully.
I got an email yesterday afternoon, my Milwaukee spotlight at the Comedy Cafe, I should learn today or tomorrow if I am spotlighting Thursday in Appleton.
One last thing, I haven't listened to today's podcast, but Tim Henson's show notes for the Distorted View mention me and my website for being a new sponsor on his click grid. Maybe I'll get some new readers, or maybe someone will want to book me for a corporate show (that's the only reason I can see Distorted View listeners wanting a clean comedian.

Not a dozen, I'll take about 10

Nikki liked my goatie

More and more I am beginning to hate my day job. It really seems like there is no room for advancement, and it's disheartening to say the least to know I've reached the peak for what I am doing there. There are prospects of leaving the department or even the company, but I'm sure all these options will lead to the same final result. Disatisfaction.
My set tonight was a blast. I had a friend, Bill, come out from work to watch my set, and he brought his wife and they said they had a great time and that they would be back. That's very nice of them. Before the show, Janine and I tried to put together a setlist of newer jokes and some jokes I haven't done for Rooftop in a while. Here's what I ended up doing:

Kinko's
Babysit Darin
Gremlins
Walmart Greeter
Walmart Returns
Dumped Via Email
New Pet Scorpion
Blacking-out and Braille menues

There was a table of four who were very vocal with their laughs, which really helped me feel confident in the bits I was doing. I ended on the braille menus half of my blacking-out jokes, and left in the tag mentioning "the dog from the shampoo joke", but instead said "the dog from a joke I didn't do tonight". That was kind of for the comics in the audience, like an inside joke I guess.
Something weird happened while Greg Warren was on stage, 2 ladies got seated in the front row (stage right-center). One recieved a phone call during Greg's set, which he commented on, and later the two were talking, which Greg commented on. This second offense was enough for Derek the door-guy who just came up and grabbed their drinks, while Scott shined a light on them and escorted them out. Greg wasn't mean with them, but he wasn't nice either. People like that can disrupt a show; some comics (myself included) at the open mic level can't compete with distractions, and that can throw a guy's (or girl's) set. I think Greg went after these ladies because of that. Obviously he's got more experience than the rest of us so he can power through it, but he didn't. He called them out on it, made them understand and then watched them get booted. And then he did literally one or two bits, got the audience back and got off stage.
I got home and had a message on MySpace from Brett Clawson saying he saw my set on Rooftop Comedy and he liked a couple of my jokes, including my Gremlins reference. It's one thing to get a compliment at the show, but it's a whole 'nother thing to get a compliment like that out of the blue.
More and more I am beginning to think I might make it. There are hundreds of things I need to do, including meeting more people, remembering their names (which I am bad at) and charm the crap out of them. That doesn't even take into account writing tons of jokes, finding who I am on stage and not going completely broke in the process. Despite the overwhelming odds it seems that I face, I am having fun on stage and getting some nice things said about me. My only question is, how do I take it to the next level? I need more road work, MCing and opening specifically. But I still have three shows this week, so for now, I'll concentrate on that.

Party! Get Naked! Buy us beer!

my special little boy...

Tonight we barely had a show at the Bistro. Three gentlemen showed up for the actual show, and so Clayton asked Matt Wolff, Stevie P, Chris Teague and I if we wanted to go up. I'm not entirely sure how they voted, but I went with yes, and we had a show. I feel bad because 15 minutes prior I called Mikey Manker and told him we would likely not have a show. Clayton MC'd and throughout his set and mine, people came through the door and stayed. Most talked loudly at the bar, which at least once made me loose my train of thought. I admittedly lost my place, again, when a lady sat down somewhat provocatively. When I mentioned that on stage and got a laugh (she missed it, completely, though). After my set I was getting a soda when one audience member, a regular named Susan, said she missed my Tetris joke (she actually referred to it as singing my list, but I take what I can get). She went on to say people stopped paying attention after my set, which in its own way was a nice compliment. I normally don't like to post about compliments because it seems kind of arrogant, and I'm also afraid that when someone says something nice about me and I repeat it, it will come off like I am trying to say, "oh, that guy didn't get a compliment, did you notice that?", Which I am not. I have work to do on some jokes about my brother, and I thought up a premise about gift-giving... Thankfully tomorrow is writing day at Starbucks.
Here's another thing I've been thinking of: I listen to a couple of different pod casts, Bill and Dan, PK and J and The Distorted View, and I would like to do my own pod cast. The thing is; I don't want to seem like I am copying off others, and I don't think I have time to sit around and record stuff in my bed room. So what I am thinking about is recording my thoughts after a show on the drive home from the show. Later I could do some editing in post, add intro/outro music and such (maybe even a clip from that night's performance), but I don't know if I have anything to say. Then again, I blog after every show, and so maybe I do have something to say...
In other news, I got an email from one of the Lucy Titas guys; which I fully intended to rip apart here in the blog... For some reason I just can't do it... One line in the email was too sincere for me to attack, and like a virus, that kind of spread through the rest of the email. The guy said, "We're working hard at trying to get a following. We don't want any bad press from anyone", I kind of know what he is talking about. And so I guess I should lay off. I'm not going to take down any of my posts, I don't condone that since it's part of my blog (and therefore history) I want to be able to remember that, and have a record of when I started a fight with a band I never met. And now I'll have the record of me ending the feud (if you can call it that?).
Oh dear god, please don't tell me I'm growing up...

I want it

The show last night at the Landing was a lot of fun. Mikey Manker hosted for myself, Andy Faasen, Joe Hartenstein and Gabe Kea. My set was a little weird, but a lot of fun. I forgot to start my stop-watch so I didn't know how much time I was doing (I ended up doing about 17 minutes) and I never looked at my setlist. Yay! I kind of lost the crowd a couple of times with some of my fat jokes. I think some people just don't appreciate them. Call me stubborn, but I don't want to give them up. Then again, comedy is important to me so I may be spending some time changing them or replacing them. Who knows... I had planned on writing a bunch today, but I ended up grocery shopping and doing chores/errands. Boooring. Anyway, the cycle starts over tomorrow with the Bistro, Bone, Forum and Laughs and Saturday Woody's Urban Extravaganza. It's supposed to start around 7:30 and I should be on at 7:45 or so. 5 minutes on stage and I'll probably be the only white guy in the building. That's how it was last year. As my brother says; "You gotta want it".

dude, where's your setlist?

I didn't have any of my recent setlists available last night, and I was admittedly nervous on stage last night so my set did not go the way I wanted. I wanted to try some new jokes that I wrote this week, talking about babysitting my brother and how his car got broken into while my car (the half-white, half primer Corolla) was left untouched. So my home-made car alarm made out of McDonald's wrappers and old setlists whooped the crap out of my brother's Kobra Kai 500 Auto Security System.
In a very different string of thought, I bought a "click grid" advertisement on Tim Henson's Distorted View Daily Show. Before you click the link, know that The Distorted View is the sickest most perverted "news show" podcast I've ever found. And I listen to it every day at work through my iPod. So be warned, it's not for everybody, and it's probably a little weird that I'm linking to it from my "clean stand up comedy website". In anycase, I spent some eBay money to get a advertisement which will stay up for a year. Maybe some of the freaks (that's what Tim calls his listeners) will have need for a clean comedian or something. Anyway, not alot about last night's show, Mikey Manker hosted and did a great job of poking fun at Adam Lough (who usually hosts). Mikey will be hosting the show Saturday (which I am apart of) at Laughs. If you have time and a couple bucks, come on down and watch my 15-20 minute set.

did I mention I hate the DMV?

A bunch of my coworkers kept telling me they were going to come to last night's show at the FunnyBone. When I got to Starbucks, I learned that St. Louis Magazine (or some St. Louis magazine) was doing an article on the show. So I was kind of excited, because I was hoping to get some sort of exposure. Well, I only had three coworkers show up, so I didn't get on stage. My friends stayed for the show and afterwards we wound up at the Back Street Jazz and Blues club, where we sang karaoke. Yesterday morning, my brother's car got broken into. That's not cool, but I feel it it my job as a comedian to say that parked next to his BMW was my 1996 Corolla. Untouched. Looks like my home-made security system of Mcdonald's Wrappers and potting soil just kicked the crap out of his Kobra Kai Auto Security System. I'm pretty sure my doors were unlocked too...

Folks lining up outside just to get down

Congradulations! You might have won something! Click here for details.

I won in darts!

Last night the Bistro show started a little late. I was doubtful that we would even have one, but a little after 10:00 we actually had 30 or so people in the "show room". Clayton hosted; and Chris Teague, myself, Stevie P and Mikey Manker performed. My set was a lot of fun, I went up and told some stories from the road (mainly having to do with how bad with women I am). I think I started out with; "I'm not good with girls; I get nervous talking to them because I', not smooth, or cool or suave or attractive." I thought it was funny. I also did a joke that Stevie P and I wrote at the bar. I'm staying with my brother this week, because he had shoulder surgery and he needs help around his house. I have to cook for him and feed him, and help him get dressed. His pain killers kind of make him a little loopy, though, so it's like taking care of a giant baby. A Giant Baby who loves to drink. And he gets confused on his pain meds, "Darin, that is not a phone, that's a banana. That is not a toilet". Anyway, the rest of my set was fun, I ended up cursing a lot, which in some ways sucks, but then again; I had fun so I'm not really going to beat myself up about it. I had to leave early because I really am staying with my brother, and I had to put him to bed (no, I didn't tuck him in...). Plus he lives further away from the Bistro that I do, so I had a longer drive.

I love it when the only thing that I hear is your infectous laughter

Have you ever been to AskANinja.com? I'd like to know.

shooting stars

It's Sunday, and I am back from my weekend in Springfield. I worked with Clinton Jackson. Clinton was cool, very funny and really nice to talk to. Between and after shows, we talked shop; mainly about being clean, writing styles and stuff like that. On stage, he's a really good story teller, which is not to mean he isn't a good joke teller.
Anyway, it's summer hours in Springfield, so we only had three shows, two Friday, one Saturday. I tried as much as possible to rotate my material and not repeat myself on stage, but I did do some jokes more than once. My first set Friday, I think I upset some of the crowd with my fat jokes. Oh well... my set was still pretty good. During Clinton's set I ran to Arby's to get some food and I have to say this. Without the 5 for 5.95, Arby's isn't worth it. I paid like 9 bucks for a large sandwich, fries and mozz sticks and couldn't get it all down. But I've never failed on a 5 for 5.95, and that includes 2 sandwiches and a soda. Moving on...
Second show was good, Clinton said he liked my "high-fived and fired" line from my JC Penny's phonesex joke.
Saturday I killed time by sleeping in a bit, doing laundry and watching a couple of movies. I saw MI:III, which was alright and I saw The Inside Man at the dollar theatre and it was pretty good. I also did my laundry, which was productive but not all that entertaining.
I really enjoyed the Saturday show, the crowd seemed to be a little more spirited, though I know they were a little reluctant on a couple of my jokes. Sometimes I feel that I could get away with more if the crowd knew me better. Meaning; in a longer set, I could rearrange jokes so that the "meaner" stuff and the porn stuff could come after the goofy and self-depricating stuff. I did my Tetris joke to close and after the show, Clinton said he really liked it. He called me "clever" a couple of times while we talked shop and brought up the idea that I could possibly get away with more (which is my intention) if I do it cleverly. He reminded me it's all about word choice, so I want to go through some old jokes and see if I can reword them to get more out of them.
We'll see...

"Top Turner" in my class

Tonight I was at Laughs on the Landing, and I got to go up first! I tried the jumping rope thing and it seemed to work because I had good energy on stage and had fun. I tried a new joke out that involves weird olf tv shows, and I'm excited about it because the premise revolves around people or characters who don't really exist, except in the world of my jokes. Like the twilight zone, or fight club...

I was watching Love Connection and this woman, Tara picked this creepy looking guy, Nick. I was like, come on, he looks like he's gonna kill somebody. But I guess things worked out because an hour later I saw the same couple on the Newly Wed Game. 45 minutes later they Divorce court, and then right before I went to bed, I saw Tara on Unsolved Mysteries. Robert Stack should really do his research; why don't they just check the freezer that Richard Dawson gave them? Seriously, Nick and Tara were an episode of Cops away from setting some sort of white trash record...

It needs some work, but I like it, and I haven't posted a joke in a while. Hey Glaser, what do you think?

I have a mySpace group now too...

I literally just walked in the door from the Open Mic at the Comedy Forum. I was slated to go up 17th, which is a rough spot in any open mic because usually the crowd can be tired, fed up, drunk etc. Anyway, to keep myself from being tired or fed up, I was jumping rope in the back of the showroom (sans rope) too keep my heart rate up and keep me excited. Anyway, it seemed to work, because my set was really fun and I got some good laughs. This'll sound arrogant, but for being 17th, I rocked. Mikey Manker and I had to split out after my set, though, (he rode with me) and we both have early morning obligations. There were only 2 comics after me, anyway, so I doubt anyone took terrible offense. My set was mainly new stuff (well, the stuff I've been working on for the past month or two). Scorpion (with a new tag) Walmart returns (also with a new tag) Up2the Challange, Ferrari (I forgot the ugly guy part) and my braille menus (with the call back to the shampoo joke that I didn't do. I did that on purpose. Anyway, I had fun tonight, but have to go to bed, so that's all for this blog.
In Lucy Titas news; I found out that they're a cover band (awesome <-sarcasm) and that apparently the members are the type of guys who ego search (google their own names). With that in mind...
The drummer's name (according to the website) is "Drumass". Obviously a very clever play on words combining drum and dumbass. I'm adding in a picture, check it out.

Jean shorts! Hell yeah, nothing says hard core rocking cover band like jean shorts. Everyone knows real drummers wear athletic (basketball) shorts. I can't complain that the guy's wearing a Guiness shirt, because Guiness is a classy beer, but in the picture where he's "drumming" he's still wearing a shirt. Everyone know's real drummers get too hot from all the drumming to wear shirts. Not that I'm upset he's not shirtless, I know someone will bring that up... Anyway, stay tuned for more slanderous comments about the tools from Lucy Titas. Don't forget to call one of their THREE Lucy Titas hotlines, "314-469-3763 or 314-346-0139 or in IL 618-792-5290". Apparently one of the guys doesn't have a phone or two of the guys live together. No last names are given, so I am as of yet unable to speculate if any of the Lucy Titas guys are related to each other. One can only hope, because it would be easier to isolate them from the gene pool. Microphone stealling jerks...

Give the party people something funky to listen to

If you have any comments about this blog; or are a member of Lucy Titasemail me.

Looks like I have a nemesis...

It's Tuesday night, and I'm just now getting around to talking about last night's show. My blogging has been pretty weak lately, I'll see if I can remedy that. Last night at the Bistro, we almost didn't have a show because some "band" called Lucy Titas stole the microphone and mic-cord. By the way, that's a geocities website, which illustrate how much of a budget the band has(not much), and by extention how good the band is(not very). Although I was "visitor number 1,836,345 since 01/05/2004" (which is an average of 2,147.77 visitors a day), so that should tell you something (that the counter is lying, because Geocities has a bandwidth limit because it's a crappy free domain host).
Anyway, we ended up having a show because Stevie P has connections. And those connections have microphones and cords. Clayton asked me to host, and I had some fun on stage trying out newer stuff, but approaching my jokes in new ways (ie different setups) and I think I got a decent responce. Chris Teague, Gabe Kea, Clayton and Steve also performed, and the audience was pretty attentive throughout the show. I do remember some guy leaving during my set, and as he walked out saying "You're lucky I'm leaving", I guess he was planning on heckling me or something. I tried to make fun of him (he was gone, so it was safe) a bit, just to work on my "quick thinking skills", but mainly just insulted his sexuality (when in doubt...)
Tonight I hit Starbucks around 6ish and worked on some stuff with Janine Brito (who got to host the show tonight). The main effort of our concentration was my [Kinko's] joke, which you can see on RooftopComedy.com. I wasn't on the list, but I made my "hypothetical set list" anyway. Scott and Matt let me keep time and when they gave me a copy of the list, I was on (Woo! Yeah!). The [Kinko's] joke was a little hard to judge, since I opened with it. I'm trying to be really silly with it, comparing Kinko's employees to super heroes. I really only got the audience with me (meaning laughing) when I did the act outs that Janine and I came up with at the coffee shop. I did my Scorpion joke (and wish I had more tags for it) my new Wildebeast joke, the Ferrari (w/ ugly guy, (I like to call that the "extended version")) and closed on my pharmacy jokes. No real method to the madness, except mainly new(er) material that I hope I can expand on. I think I'm learning how I want to write my jokes and how I want to deliver them; so as I write new stuff, I want it to be a certain way, and hopefully as I play with my existing (older) material it will shift into this new style or concept. Anyway, it's late right now, so I need to go to bed. If any of the punks from Lucy Titas want a piece of me, they are welcome to check my schedule and come get some.
Please not in the face...
I mentioned it yesterday, but I'm so excited I'll say it again. I'm at the Funny Bone in Springfield, IL this weekend. I'm pretty excited about that.
Oh yeah, one last thing, Mike McRae plugged my website during his set tonight. It was kind of out of nowhere, but as Rob Durham said, it was a plug on RooftopComedy.com. No publicity is bad publicity...

green eggs and ham {sorry about the delay}

Last night we barely had a show at the Bone because the audience was really small. We ended up starting a half an hour late, and when Matt asked me to keep time, he told me to light people early. Because of the shorter sets, the show moved along at a really good pace. Brett Clawson hosted, which was interesting, to put it mildly. He pulled people up with some of the weirdest intros, butchering peoples' names on purpose and basically shocking the crowd into paying attention. Thankfully he left me alone as I tried some more new material. I only did a couple of "old" jokes, mainly because Derek, one of the door guys requested my Animal on Animal porn joke. My new stuff got laughs and has promise, so I'm pretty happy about that. My newest trick to writing (it's not my trick necessarily, but I just started using it) is helping out a lot. What I do is, I take two ideas and list out things that I think of when I think of each. I'll use an actual example from my set: my pet Scorpion and my girlfriend (ok, hypothetical girlfriend).
Scorpion:
has a stinger
has claws
glows under black light
external digestion
eight legs
cold blooded
Stereotypical Girlfriend or Ex-Girlfriend
Psycho
Manipulative
Sex
Cheated on me (or) Cheated on her
Eating habits (too much / too little)

Anyway, through my list I came up with this... (there's more setup, but I'm sure you don't need it to get the point of the excercise (or the joke, either) ).

My scorpion reminds me of my ex, mainly because every time I try to touch it, it freaks out, gets pissed off and tries to stab me. The only difference is, my scorpion throws up before it eats...

{[5/8/2006}
I half-forgot/half-didn't want to write about Thursday's show. I'm not sure why; I did well, got laughs with new(er) stuff and had fun, but I started my set with the scorpion joke (see above) and I felt that I had to deliver is a certain way for it to come off as "real" so my set started a little lower key than I prefer. I think I can get away with mellower stuff like that jokes (where people actually believe I got dumped) but I didn't do as well as I had hoped. I got a call from Springfield today, and I'm booked for this weekend, which means, including the Comedy Forum on Wednesday I should be performing almost every night this week. Dreams do come true.

It's the Best, Yo

Yesterday was Wehrenberg Theater's 100th anniversary, so some friends of from work and I went to see Silent Hill, Greg and I are big video game fans and like to support the industry and David just wanted to get drunk in a theater. Anyway it sold out, so we played movie line roulette and got tickets for the next movie showing. We had about a half an hour before showtime so they hit a gas station and got a 12pack of PBR and made it back in time for the movie (We saw Killer Diller. silly title, excellent movie). Anyway, afterwards, the two were pretty drunk and agreed to go to the Main Street Bistro. We got there and David had to finish a 24oz he got at the gas station and Greg and I went in to find that Stevie P brought pizza for the bar. Anyway, the Bistro filled out pretty nicely by showtime. Adam Lough hosted and Chris Teague, Mikey Manker, Clayton and Stevie all took the stage. Again (and this must be the comedy gods smiling upon me) I had a fun time. I was working on a new part to my chubby chaser line:
My friends make fun of me and say that I'm a chubby chaser. No I am not, they're just the only ones I can catch. It's like on the Discovery Channel; when hunting, Lions in Africa always go for the weakest slowest member of the heard. It's similar with me and dating; that's why I always end up with a Wildebeast.
Anyway, some "lady" took offense to that in the audience and started heckling me. She was like, "It's no wonder you're single" and I was like, "I know, it should be called celebate by popular demand". Anyway, somehow I got in a couple more jabs at her and was able to move through the rest of my set. I had a couple of off the cuff replies that were not my usual jokes, and it felt really exciting to be creative on stage. Usually my set is very scripted, but I've been feeling a lot more free on stage and I have to say I like it. My stage time lasted about 12 minutes, each of which was about a million times better than my set last week. Anyway Ms. Heckle-bad and her friend left during Clayton's set, and he shot a couple comments towards the door, which they either didn't ear or didn't understand. So I yelled "Clayton, don't they know we have free pizza?" They did hear and did not appreciate that. Real bid surprise there, I'm sure.


When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
and a round thing in your face
you get sprung
( or )
Neck so thick she could eat a brick if it was made by Frito Lay

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$6.25 a minute

It's taken me two days to get around to writing about the Pawnee High School After Prom Saturday night, but hopefully I'll still remember the important details. I started out the night by picking up Mikey Manker at Laughs (I also caught one of their Improv shows, very cool. I laughed hard. Alot.) Anyway, Mikey and I drove into Springfield with little to no problems; it was very windy out, which pushed my Carolla around a bit too much for my liking, but we're still alive, so no complaints...
When we got to the YMCA, we headed up to the Walnut room where we met Colleen, the lady who booked us. I talked to Colleen a bit about my material (I wasn't sure if the drinking and porn material would be appropriate, but I didn't think I would be able to fulfil my 20 minute obligation without it). Colleen said it shouldn't be a problem. With that out of the way and a bottle of water from the snack line, I was ready to take on the Walnut Room. The room itself was nice, kind of basketball-courtish, only no bleachers. Hardwood floors and such. There were about 6 to 10 round 8ft tables and food and coolers along a couple of walls. The PA system was a Karaoke machine with a microphone (no stand) and there wasn't any stage. I was kind of worried that the audience would think the idea of comedians was lame, and so I was also afraid that the mic wouldn't work and I'd have to fight technology. Neither of those things happened, Colleen brought me on first (I lost the Paper Rock Scissors match between Mikey and I). I started out basically just talking about nothing, I turned up the audio as high as it could go and asked the kids if they wanetd to hear about my prom experience. They seemed interested. From there, it was all fun and games. At one point I said "Eff that guy" and then stopped and asked the chaperones if I could say "eff that guy". The kids liked that. I did my drinking material (making sure to point out that I don't drink anymore because of the bad decisions). Somewhere I got an applause break; which felt awesome. There were no spotlights or anything, so I could see the audience really well, which would be kind of nerve-racking, but I saw some of the people jerking at some of the stuff I said. Apparently they did not expect jokes about animal porn or stealing cashiers from Walmart. At one point, I even saw a kid high five another kid in the back. He actually had to get up and stretch to deliver said fiver, so you know he wanted it. Anyway, my set went very well, I did some one the newer stuff I've been working on, and I actually tagged my "chubby chaser" line differently than I ever have before. But the most important thing was I got laughs, haven't recieved any complaints yet and I had fun. And I made some money.
Oh yeah, after my set, for some reason I did "announcements" like in a regular club. I plugged my website, and mySpace and then had them applaud for their chaparones. I remember saying, "They're here so you can have a fun, safe night, and it's not easy staying up this late when you're that old". Yeah the kiddies loved that...

You know together we will stand every boy, girl, woman and man

Complaints about Saturday's show can be sent here.