tip the waitstaff

Last night, Scott gave me 7 minutes at the open mic, I only used 5:50, but I was able to try out a couple jokes new to the Bone. I wrote this thing on Dominoes Brownies, which you can read on my myspaceblog, and I tried out my Work is like Prison comparison. My lightening joke worked out alright, though I think a little different setup is needed to really get the joke rolling. You can watch last night's clip on RooftopComedy, the audience was pretty small (I'd say 20 or less), but I had fun with it, and even had a 'conversation' with a guy in the audience during a joke. After each sentence he would reply, for example;
me: I like money.
dude: me too.
me: but money's hard to come by.
dude: yeah it is.
me: that's why I have a job.
dude: I have a job

...and so on.
Again, you can watch the entire exchange on RooftopComedy. Pete Lytle gave me a heads up last night saying that Southbend is in a different time zone, so I should probably leave an hour earlier than I expected. My boss is going to love that news, I'm sure. Probably as much as he loves my blogging on the clock. I got confirmation and some instructions yesterday about Milwaukee, turns out I'm doing the announcements, so I won't have much of a chance to spread the funny to the masses, but it should be a good chance to get that kind of experience. Optimism.
Anyway, I should probably get to work (and by that I mean go to the break room and get some coffee).
He gon' make it into a Benz out of that Datson

I won't have the ability to check my email until Sunday, regardless of internet access, but you can email me anyway.

boom goes the dynamite

Real quick, The Tick Vs. Season One is out on DVD, which is perfect if you're not poor as crap right now or you don't have the Disney Channel... Moving on...
Last night I was at Lloyd and Harry's, John Doelling was hosting and I had about 4 newish bits I wanted to work on. Clayton got on before me and berated some people in the back for talking through his set, and when I got on stage I followed suit. I'm not sure if it was because a) Clayton did it, or because b) I couldn't concentrate or a combination of both, but I went off on the guy who was talking. And I dropped a lot of F-bombs. Eventually I got his attention and told hims to shut it, and when he finally walked out, he gave me the finger. I really didn't get a chance to work on anything; which sucks because if I'm on at the Bone tonight, I'll need to prepare for Southbend and Milwaukee. At the end of the night, John, Gabe and Nikki walked me out to my bike, I'm not sure if it was because the dude I yelled at was HUGE or because it was on the way to their car.

I got on stage second to the end last night. Throughout the night, the audience had shrunk a bit, which was ok, because the rude, talkative bunch in the "VIP" lounge area left or something. I opened with my Lightening joke and performed some mid-flight recalculations verbage-wise. I should listen to the audio, because I liked how it sounded. I think I followed that with a joke about the Federal Meth-offenders list (new) and a joke comparing my office-job to prison (also new, thank you very much). Then I did some nervous-with-ladies jokes. I felt it was pretty good for being so near the end, especially since I had new material. The prison joke is kind of big, and I actually did it from memory, which made me happy. I need to start thinking about my emcee set for Southbend Wednesday, and I'm wondering what I'll be doing in Milwaukee; they have a guy who is strictly announcements, then an opener (5-7-10) and the feature and headliner. I hope I open, because I'd get to work on material, but if I do announcments, that wouldn't be a waste.

out too late for me

I didn't get on stage Tuesday, but I was writing with Janine and I really think I am getting out of my writer's block. I've got about two or so jokes I'm working on, which is exciting, I don't know if they'll make the final cut, but working on a joke and just getting the creativity out is at least comforting.
Last night I was at the Bone and Joe Lehnig asked if I wanted to go to T. Billy Buffett's for their comedy show. Having never been, I agreed to go. We were supposed to be there by 8:30 because the show started at 9:00, but were were a little late and arrived maybe at 8:40 or so. Apparently it was a contest, so we had to ante up five bucks each and fill out some paperwork. A bunch of other comics were there, and at about 9:20 or so, I decided to start a pool to see when the show was actually going to start. I took a piece of paper and setup 7, 10-minute ranges from the 9:30 to 10:40. Nikki Glaser, Brian Dowell, Mike Howington, myself and Joe Lehnig all threw in a buck and then I bought the remaining two spaces. Strangely enough, watching the guys running the show goof off with the mic, postpone the start and give excruciatingly long announcements was now kind of entertaining. Nikki Glaser won the seven bucks because the Chel'le got on stage between 9:50 and 10:00.

As for the contest, we had about 3 and a half minutes, I rushed through mine and didn't have a closer (Tetris really didn't seem like it was going to work). A couple comics said I had a good set, but I sincerally think they were just being nice. I don't remember who all made the "finals" on Sunday, but I do remember of the 10 who made the Apollo-style judging, 4 were from the Bone; Brian Dowell, Joe Lehnig, Mike "Mild Sauce" Strantz and John Doelling. All in all, it was an experience, but I know I would have gotten to bed before 1:00am if I had just stayed and watched James Johann.

nice montage

I can't stop reading KenIsAVerb... it's probably the only blog I read regularly (because it's updated regularly). It's good, that's all I can say. I finally got ahold of the Southbend Funnybone, and have an audition next Wednedsay teh 30th while on my way to Milwaukee. Bill from Barrel of Laughs (also near Chicago) called me back and ok'd my spotlighting up there on a Wednesday, which means I'll likely drive up there just for that, unless I can get something else in the area around the same time. Two new clubs, I'm excited. I was at Lloyd and Harry's last night, and worked on a couple new jokes, one which might have potential. My writer's block might be fading away, which would be cool. I noticed yesterday my brain was "cloudy" and I couldn't really concentrate on being creative with the work I was doing. The show last night was fun, the PA system was literally falling apart in my hands, but the crowd listened and laughed, which is the goal. I also worked on my "joke first ask questions later" theory. I did my one-legged skier joke once and an ampute was in the audience (she only had one leg). "To be more careful" I hypothesized to bar patrons, "should I do that before every joke?", I answered my own question, yes and tried it out, " So are there any fat broads in the audience?".
Charter's coming out today to "fix" my internet. Again. I have to leave work early, which is getting to be annoying. I know my boss isn't realy happy with it, but it's not like it was my choice to leave early and have to stay late tomorrow or something. If Charter doesn't get it up and running today I am buying a laptop.

speechless

Last night was my roast at the Landing. It was awesome, and I was very impressed with the material everyone came up with and the work they put in. I really can't go into the digs the other comics had, because it just wouldn't do them justice, but needless to say; they were funny and I had a great time.

Anyway, thanks to everyone who made it (and those who wanted to be there, but couldn't make it).

on second thought...

Last night I was slated for 21st on the Comedy Forum open mic list. Usually at that point in the show, the crowd's ready to go and not exactly paying attention (in my experiences, I've found this to be true for all open mics, so I'm not just-bad mouthing the Forum, far from it). Add the lateness of the show to the fact that all of Stevie P's friends left when he was done (who could blame them, really, it was late) and all of Josh's friends left after his set (I directly followed him too, so the exodus during my set gave me that special, heart-warming feeling only felt during Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney duos) and you have the perfect formula for me to go up and self destruct. Burning bridges. Why not just go after the audience? That's what I normally do; but not last night. I took my stage time seriously and actually did my set. Sometimes I let those kind of circumstances agitate me, so I end up working blue, but not last night. I don't remember my set's order, but I know my black-name, jeeves, motorcycle, scorpion and email bits made appearances. I felt like I did alright too, all things considered.

I didn't blog yesterday; of course I wasn't on stage Tuesday, so I didn't have anything really to put down about the show. The thing right now that's dominating my life in comedy is: Severe writer's block

The writer's block started a couple of weeks ago. Janine and I meet every day at Starbucks and pitch jokes and work on bits. I haven't brought a "new" bit that's even remotely salvageble in at least a week or two. I used to "free write" before we got started, but now even that's becoming hard to do. It's like I can't start my brain thinking about comedy because it's so congested with all types of other crap, some of it personal, some work related, and some envolving comedy. It's disheartening to say the least, especially when I see other guys with new bits and it doesn't seem like I'm producing.

my planet hollywood joke

According to Blogger, this is my 366th post. With just over 2 years of blogging, that comes out to just under one post every other day. That makes me think that I have way too much free time.
Last night I was at Lloyd and Harry's along with a bunch of other comics. Nikki Glaser is in town for the week, and she John Doelling and Jeff Uren came out for the show. Since she won't be at my roast, I did my 2 jokes about her, the second of which seemed to really make her laugh. She then proceeded to do about 4 or 5 on me. Nice. As for the rest of my set, I think my stage pressence or lack of energy is the source of my dissatisfaction. I could have done better, it's not like I did poorly; I just would have preferred that I did better.
Still no internet at my condo, which is not fun. Another call and service appointment might do something, if not, I would like some money back, Charter.
Good news; Friday, September 8th I get to host both show at the Westport Funny Bone. It's my birthday and it's going to be fun. I'll be working with Joe Marlotti and Dan Groeter. That's all the info I have now, I should really get to work...

$0.38 each? Hmmm

I'm gooffing off at working now, wishing I could grab some clicky-pens with my web site address on them. But I don't feel like dropping a hundred bucks/ :(
Last night I was at the landing, and I had a good set. I went up and started with my skiing material, which I haven't dusted off in a while (unless you count Monday). Warren told me he could tell I was "excited" about my material. On Monday Anthony Joplin reminded me Monday of the one-legged lady that heard my one-legged skier joke. Last night I proposed to the crowd that I should ask is anyone is in the room before I make fun of them. I had already done the one-legged skier joke, so I asked if there were any "fat broads" in the room. No one piped up, so I did some fat jokes.
I'm really excited about my roast. Take a look at this!
I've been writing about my friends and peers and I think it's going to be a lot of fun; Mikey Manker used the word viscious last night, though, so I can only imagine what he's going to say. I'm not worried or nervous, though; I mean if anyone can take a joke (or insult) it's me. OK, I should get back to work now, the Rapid Improvement Team (like the Bobs in Office Space) keep bugging me and I'm surfing the net... real professional.

Turn left at 1950

Writing with Janine yesterday, I spent almost all of my efforts concentrating on my upcoming Roast (August 17th, Laughs on the Landing, you should come if you can make it). I had a list of people I figured would roast me, (Adam Lough, Gabe Kea, Janine Brito, Mikey Manker, Warren Love Hewitt, and Kevin White) and I called Warren and got some more names, Craig Mayhem, Josh Arnold, Ken JR. and Joe Hartenstein. I was a little nervous as I've been drawing a lot of blanks trying to think of stuff about these guys, but adding 4 more actually made it easier.
Tommy Johnigan came out to Westport last night, did a bunch of new material and returned a pair of shoes I left in his backseat. Since he can't make the roast, I asked that he record something, and we could just play the recording. I think that would be really funny, plus Tommy has a lot of experience roasting me. Unofficially, of course.
I was on stage last night and my lightening joke got a decent responce, despite the general tightness of the crowd. I also set up my motorcycle joke a little differently (I set it up like the scorpion joke, as I just wanted to get it out). Then I talked about my trip to Brazil, which didn't really go anywhere at all really. I'm not all that great at stage-stories, and I ended up with my black-name joke. And I ended up going over my time (4:14 total). I didn't hang aroung the club long, but Gabe, Tommy and his girlfriend (Heidi) and I talked for about 15 to 20 minutes in the parking lot. I got home to my no A/C and watched some Last Comic Standing; Chris Porter got eliminated?
OK, I've met both Josh Blue and Ty Barnett and they're both great guys and great comics, but I can already hear the remarks: He only won because he's a cripple, or he only won because he's black. What about, he won because he was funny, original and likeable? My favorite part is: look at the top three. None of them are from LA or New York (originally). That makes me smile.

:D

ANYTHING for a joke

Not having internet at my condo is increasingly frustrating. Supposidly I have someone coming over Saturday (between 8am and 12) to take a look. What they're going to find is anyone's guess. I know they won't like my setup, though. I re-wired my condo when I bought it, adding coaxil, telephone, and ethernet "drops" in five places throughout the unit. They will undoubtedly say, splitting the cables weakens the signal. Uh huh, and what about when I don't split the cable and go straight to the modem? Thought so.
Saturday's shows in Appleton were by far the best of the week. Cliff had nice things to say about me, which was cool. I already recieved an email about future bookings, I might get one by the end of the year. The drive back to St Louis was terrible. It rained almost the entire way, which was not cool. But I got home safe and didn't get any speeding tickets (which I most-definately deserved). Sunday I hung out at the Funny Bone and watched Gabe emcee for Brett Clawson and Mark Sweeney. I would have liked to watch Eddie Goessling last night, but I went to Lloyd and Harry's for the open mic.
Clayton let me emcee, and I had a good set. I had a lot of fun, tried my lightening joke and talked about my trip to the Salan in Appleton. "Manscaping", It's a weird subject, and I want to talk about it on stage - but certain things might be to "personal". However, I firmly contend that I can talk about waxing body hair in a non-graphic non-disgusting manner.
Having just finished that last paragraph, I wonder if anyone in my family reads this stuff. I dount they do; some of my family members take an interest in my comedy, but it's usually limited to "Any shows recently?". Any detail I go into is usually for my own benefit, it seems. I have a long standing tradition of embarrassing my family (or at least provoking them to say I am embarrassing them), and so revealing that I took a trip to Brazil might be a bit more than they want the world to know about me.

Two nights and a first ever...

I missed out on blogging yesterday (about Thursday's show). The show was alright, the crowd was a bit better than Wednesday, though not as large. I'm beginning to think I'm in a kind of slump, which sucks big time because I'm working. After the shows Rio and I hit some more bars and clubs and ended up staying out really late and watching some guy get arrested in the bar. Ha!
I woke up early on Friday and went to the radio station with Kjell, I wanted to see what it was like and didn't expect anything more. But then the DJs asked if I wanted a mic and a headset. And then I got to be on the radio!!! It was awesome, during songs, we'd BS with the DJs (Ross and Lynn on 105.7 WAPL, and Roxanne and Bill on 94.7 WAZR) and they'd find out what we wanted to talk about. Kjell ended up hitting on the weather girl (on the air) using a pick up line he uses on stage. She wasnt in the studio, so he got away with it-I was cracking up in the background.
Last night (Friday) the two shows were kind of rough; Kjell kept saying being an emcee is like being baptizted by fire. I tried a bunch of different material, and skipped talking to the crowd, in hopes of jarring the audience into paying attention. Mission: failed. I think talking to the audience is a better method, especially with some advice from Kjell: When going to the audience, always pick people in the front row. If you corner them, they have to respond. I was asking the general audience, and so (I guess) no one wanted to answer because they were waiting for someone else to answer. In anycase, I'll be playing with the audience tonight for at least the first show. Hopefully they'll lead me into something out of my catalog. I'm sure I can steer the dialogue in that direction...
Anyway, it's time for dinner, so I have to eat...

It takes a backwash man to sing a backwash soul
Like a frying pan when the fire's gone
Driving my pig while the bands taking pictures in the grass
And my radio's smashed

If you have any comments about this blog; please email me.

I just did soume laundry...

I'm in Appleton, Wisconsin right now. It's Thursday about noon and I'm writing on an Apple laptop. It's nice. And not mine. The laptop belings to Kjell Bjorgen (pronounced "Chell be your gen" (the 'G' is "hard"). Last nights show (which featured Mario "Rio" Hamhill) was pretty weird. The crowd was kind of touchy, and I was very preoccupied with getting all the announcements out: there were a lot of announcements. I went to the audience at the beginning of my set, but they didn't really give up too much information.

me: it's your birthday? How old are you?
birthday person: X years old.
me: you get anything good for your birthday?
birthday person: no.
me: wow, your friends suck. How about you? How old are you?
birthday person: X years old.
me: you get anything good for your birthday?
birthday person: no.
me: ok... uh next!

I didn't watch the show very much as I was studying my notes and talking to Mike Prell (a local comic and bouncer at the Skyline). What parts of their set I did catch were pretty funny.

After the show, the three of us hit a couple different clubs (Hill Creek and the Fire Alarm) and stayed out pretty late, and we had a pretty cool time and likely we're in for a late night tonight. This is my first experience in a condo and really spending time with the comics with whom I am working and I was nervous, because I've heard some bad stories from other comics about how they didn't get along with the people they stayed with.

Time shmime

I missed talking about the midnight guest set I did saturday, but the only real thing I learned was I need to start preparing my sets. I blanked at least twice on stage, which is near-unexcusable as far as I am concerned...
Tonight I made the list for the show and did about 3 and a half minutes of jokes. I did my new lightening joke, and it got laughs, which is more than I can say for the rest of my set (the crowd was uber-rough). Anyway, thish is going to be short because I have no A/C, my internet is acting upity (typing this is notepad, will cut and paste later) and I have to get to bed so I can wake up early, move my car, pack and head to Appleton.