lunch already

It's 12:05 or so, and I have done absolutely nothing of any value at work today (a new personal record). My only problem is I don't know how I am going to break this record tomorrow... I just put the finishing touches on a program that will let me and a coworker play Paper Rock Scissors from our respective cubicles. It keeps track of the ongoing score and everything.
Last night was the competition at the Forum, and we had roughly 22 contestants. The crowd was pretty huge, but almost the entire front section were people from Old Monroe, and they've all heard my jokes before. Needless to say, I did decent (note, I did not say "good"), and I did not win. Some of the guys last night did very well. The guy who got second had never done stand up before, which is almost hard to believe because he didn't use a cheat sheet, and he used some moderate to advanced comedy principles (rule of three) and to the best of my memory, had segways; he also cursed a lot. I tallied another guy, he said the f-word 17 times in his set, and I wasn't keeping track the whole time...
Anyway, I'm under the impression I need some new material, because the Old Monroe people make up the majority of the audience most ever show, and they've heard my tetris joke probably enough to tell it themselves... The Forum's next amateur shows are giong to be on April 13th and the 27th, I think. I think I am going to try to write during those shows, I would like to get around another minute or so of material befoer I go back; after all I have three whole months before the next competition...

uh huh

Comedy is weird. One of the Judy Carter books I have says that jokes should be written with "action" words, maybe it's "emotional" words. I'd look it up, but it's past my bedtime. Words like "weird", "hard" and such are good ways to start jokes. For example, driving is hard because blah blah blah... I'd write an actual joke there, but seriously it's late. Usually I'd be writing this at work... but I'm feeling spontaneous, that and I already know what I want to say.
Tonight I was on the list, slated to go up 6th (after Janine Brito). Mike Stranz came up and asked to switch (he was near the end). I have no problem switching, so I did. Mike went up sixth and delivered one of his best sets (in my opinion). Almost all of the comics between Stranzz and I did well. Anyway, then it came time for my set; (I followed Duane Ingram) and this is why Comedy is Weird (I was actually going somewhere with that, see?). I was on stage tonight, will be in a competition tomorrow, am running a show Thursday, and will be at Wash U in a show Janine Brito is doing. That's the biggest variety of comedy I've ever been in (open mic, competition, paid show, college show) and I am (was) super excited. I figured the show tonight would be great preperation for the competition (I'd kind of like to win, imagine that) and both would be great practice for the show in Montgomery City, AND FRIDAY I get to to time, ON APRIL FOOL'S DAY. That's my absolute favorite holiday, I did a show once on April Fool's Day at Columbia College called HaHa@Cc.
Back to the weird thing; Whenever I get super excited about an open mic, it usually goes absolutely blandly or even badly. Tonight I wasn't "on", I started with my "come on, this is my Make a Wish" but people were talking through it, so I had to repeat it, and I felt that threw my set off. Anyway I did my problems with dating jokes, followed by my assorted fat jokes and my pharmacy/med studies jokes. I closed with "the blackest thing about me". Anyway, I'm hoping tomorrow goes a little better, especially since it's a competition. In anycase, I got it recorded, so eventually I'll think about watching the tape and then go play video games. Now it's time for bed. Ok, a snack first, then bed...

the whitest thing about me...

I think I finally got my computer back up and running. Of course now that I've typed that, I am sure something horrible will go wrong...
In anycase, I updated my schedule page to reflect the competition this week, my show at Hard Times, and the actual weekend I will be in Springfield IL in April. I met with my accountant this past week and he wanted me to go to a bar on the 15th and basically hang out and entertain his employees while they got loaded (because it's the end of tax season). I was really looking forward to it (the idea of drunken accountants makes me smile) but I'll be out of town.
Anyway last night was Woody's Extravaganza; I showed up at 7pm, and found out I was going on around 8:40 (which became 9:10-ish when the MC ran long). I forgot my tri-pof at home, and so I had to prop my camera on my binder on a folding chair and my battery was low, so I had to make sure it was near an outlet. Also, I hit record at least twice, but had to cancel it, because they pulled people on before me. My set was alright, the sound system was turned up really high, and the setup was more like a highschool gym (Or a Knights of Columbus hall) vs. an auditotium (which I had originally expected). I saw Carmen, who has been at the Funny Bone a couple times, and she wanted to make sure I was going to use my "blackest thing about me" joke, so I made sure to. I closed with it and the people who were listening laughed at it, so I was pretty pleased with that.
I stuck around until around 9:40 and headed to Westport, but when I saw Aries Speares was headlining and saw the crowd outside the Funny Bone (either a soldout show or darn close) I decided not to bug the staff. As I was leaving the Pavillion, I saw Aries smoking a cigarette outside. I didn't bug him, as I am not too familiar with Mad TV nor his comedy, so I got a number 5 from McD's and worked on my computer. A couple reformattings and 20 something hours later and here I am...

98.5 The Grizz

Yesterday, Lara Csengody called me around 4ish as I was leaving work. She had done some bloodhound work and found a couple of places that were doing open mics. We met around 8 at West Port and headed into Illinois in search of the Stagger Inn Again. On the way, I think we redefined the word lost as we double backed and crossed our own path a handful of times. Anyway, we showed up around 9:00ish and talked to a guy named Steve. Steve said he would be glad to let us go up around 12:30. Not really wanting to stay out that late, and knowing we had another place to go check out, I asked Steve what they did between groups. He said they usually play a cd. So I said he should let us go up, so that the audience keeps their attention on the stage, we'd do some time while the guys are plugging in or whatnot and make some announcements (general MC type stuff). Steve agreed, and I must say the entire evening was awesome. I must have gotten up three or four times to do a 3 to 5 minute set (each one different of course) and the audience was very cool. I saw people in the back craning their necks to see me, and I saw a lot of people laughing. There were the usualy talkers, but that happens, especially at open mic jams. In any case, Lara and I got stage time and I got to work on my MC skills. As for the actual Stagger Inn Again, the place was very cool, like a cross between a hunting lodge and an old pizza parlor. There weren't mounted trophies or anything, but Tim the bartender had a huge Grizzley Adams beard. We ended up staying pretty late in Illinois, but hit the road around midnight to go to The Great Grizzly Bear. We talked to the owner Scott about providing services similar to what we did earlier in the evening. There was a band taking down during our conversation, they had played all evening. The Grizz (as I now like calling it) doesn't do jam sessions and open mics, but more has bands come in (and they bring friends and fans) and get a cut of the door (if they have a cover) or they get a cut of the bar. Scott said he would love to do a comedy night, we talked about weekdays, and decided Mondays would be our safest bet. No date has been set yet, and I have to do some research on how I'll get people to actually show up once a show is scheduled, but Scott asked that I remain in contact. I would very much like the first show to go over as well as the show in Montgomery City, however, since Scott would rather work off of liquid variables (the door intake, or bar percentage) I have no guaranteed budget, which makes it harder to bring touring pros like Dano Sullivan, Andi Smith or Brett Clawson. In anycase, I need to do some research, both about locale and about what my next step should be. Also it'd be nice if I could update the "booking" portion of the website.

I should have bought a lottery ticket

The crowd at the Funny Bone last night was huge. It wasn't a sold out crowd, but in comparison to the audience size at the Legacy Café on Saturday, the crowd was, what we in the business call, "bigger". Joey and Brett from the Fairview Heights Funny Bone were there, as was Henry Phillips, Westport's headliner last week. Not being on the list, I was content to mill about and BS with the other comics, talking about upcoming shows, bits we're working on and generally just waiting around. During the meeting, two spots on the list opened up, and so all the "extras" were asked to sign up on a separate list. I missed that announcement and was in the lobby looking through my backpack when Kevin Patterson asked if I wanted to sign up. I said yes, and thanked him for looking out for me (thanks again, Kevin). Anyway, since I was at the bottom of the list and was literally on stage last week, I figured I'd go in the showroom watch, work on some stuff at my table and call it a night. I sat at my table and worked on a hypothetical list (just in case I was to get picked). I also did a little reorganizing with my index cards (which help me group jokes by bits (I'm trying to put all of my jokes in a 15 to 20 minute set order so that it "flows" without changing subject too dramatically) ). While Tim Heeley was on stage, Keith Cissel (who was MC-ing) asked if I wanted some time, I replied that I did, and he said I would be on after Tom Shelton, who was following Tim Heeley. I was now the second to last comic of the evening (I think I've mentioned before how I like closing, being 2nd to last, however 2nd to last seems less appealing to me because there isn't that chance of running a little longer. In either case, the crowd could be getting tired/restless, but that extra minute or two really makes it seem more glamerous. Anyway, I get on and start with my Make a Wish line, then I go into the single / fat jokes and followed with the three "date" or ladies problems jokes. The blog below this one is entitled something like "It wasn't so much a date as I drove her to the funeral", that bit got a really good response, and Tim Heeley said it was one of the funnier things I have come up with in a while. Of course reading it probably doesn't do it justice, so I'll have to post the video on my media page. Of course that does me no good if you don't click here. Anyway, closed out with my pharmacy jokes, medical study bit (with a new addition, which I liked) and my tetris bit. I messed up the tetris phrase "I need a manager" because I was thinking about how I wanted to close with "the blackest thing" but I had seen the light and knew it was time to get off stage. No worries, the crowd gave me a good send off, and I had fun, so I can't be dissappointed. Afterwards, I went over to the Backstreet Jazz and Blues karaoke shindig with Lara Csesgody, a comedienne from Chicago. She and I were ordering non-alcoholic drinks at the bar (water and coke, respectively) and started talking. After comedy, we started making fun of the singers doing karaoke. Then we raided the RFT for news about open mics, comedy and anything else that got our attention. Matt Wolff came over and hung out a bit, but around Midnight we all decided to split.
This Saturday is the show at the Omega Complex; I'm looking forward to it as it will be a different crowd, and there should be some publicity, which would be nice. Considering I'm going to be the only white comic, I might stick out a bit. Let's just hope I'm funny. Wednesday is the competition at the Comedy Forum; let's hope I'm funny…
Thursday is my show at Hard Times in Montgomery City with Joe Lehnig, Brett Clawson, and Andi Smith. Please god, let me be funny...

it really wasn't so much a date as I gave her a ride to the funeral...

Last night I went over to the Legacy Cafe on Delmar as John Garrison said Don Claire was hosting his show with Divlicious. I showed up around 9, gathered my thoughts and then waited around until 10:30 when the show started. I called Matt Wolff and Anthony Joplin to see if they were interested in coming out, since the crowd was going to be similar to the Red Sea (minus the hippey college kid(s) ). Anyway, the brought me up first, Don did some time up front, as I recall, but then it was my turn. I did a bunch of new material, just to see if I could get the wording and timing right. I'm pretty happy with the results. Anyway, the most exciting news is/was that I used my closer (I was at the Legacy before, and I did not use my "the blackest thing about me" closer); Suffice it to say; I got laughs. Lots of them, and I swear I heard the phrase, "No he didn't". I did. One lady in the audience didn't look too pleased, but I didn't get any grief from anyone, so I call that a win. The rest of the show was entertaining and Matt Wolff went last and closed. After that we split, then I returned because I forgot my backpack under my table... Anyway, that should be a good warmup for a show I am doing at the Omega complex on Goodfellow and Natural Bridges Rd.

PCs, can't live with 'em...

As of right now, my home computer is lying on my office floor dismantled, broken. I'm not entirely sure what is wrong with it, I think some viruses and a bad video card may be to blame, but seriously no one should have to reformat as much as I do.
I'm getting a Mac.

Bald guys need loving too

Usually I only blog when I have something to say about being on stage but... Last night I looked at my clock and realized I had time to go over to the Funny Bone and watch Henry Phillips. I'm a pretty big fan, I've heard him on the Bob and Tom show a bunch of times (back when I was allowed to listen to it at work). Anyway, the show was really good, Chad Huff MC'd, a comedienne, Alex House, did a guest spot, and the Feature act was really good. Sadly I never hear his name clearly, I think it's Tim something. I'll hopefully go back and buy his shirt (15 bucks) and cd (10 bucks) tonight (combo, only 20 bucks) and then I'll know. Anyway, after the show, the five of us; chad, Alex, Tim, Henry and myself stood around the bad and shot the crap about comedy in general, writing styles and racism in comedy. As a bald white guy, I always kind of expect people to think I'm a racist, but no one has ever really said anything like that or implied it at all. I'm not sure if I 'blogged' this story before; but I'll type is again; When I was working in Fairview Heights with Pat Dixon, I mentioned this to him, and he said something like "No one's going to think you're a racist when you say 'Yay, me!' on stage".

I wish I could talk about racism on stage; John Roy (who won the Star Search comedy competition) is a bald white guy and he has some fantastic anti-racism bits and jokes. It could be argued, however, that anti-racism humor coming from me might not be taken too seriously when my closer is "the blackest thing about me is that I date fat white girls".

Usually I only blog when I have something to say about being on stage but... Last night I looked at my clock and realized I had time to go over to the Funny Bone and watch Henry Phillips. I'm a pretty big fan, I've heard him on the Bob and Tom show a bunch of times (back when I was allowed to listen to it at work). Anyway, the show was really good, Chad Huff MC'd, a comedienne, Alex House, did a guest spot, and the Feature act was really good. Check out Tim Gaither here . I'll hopefully go back and buy his shirt (15 bucks) and cd (10 bucks) tonight (combo, only 20 bucks) and then I'll know. Anyway, after the show, the five of us; chad, Alex, Tim, Henry and myself stood around the bad and shot the crap about comedy in general, writing styles and racism in comedy. As a bald white guy, I always kind of expect people to think I'm a racist, but no one has ever really said anything like that or implied it at all. I'm not sure if I 'blogged' this story before; but I'll type is again; When I was working in Fairview Heights with Pat Dixon, I mentioned this to him, and he said something like "No one's going to think you're a racist when you say 'Yay, me!' on stage".
I wish I could talk about racism on stage; John Roy (who won the Star Search comedy competition) is a bald white guy and he has some fantastic anti-racism bits and jokes. It could be argued, however, that anti-racism humor coming from me might not be taken too seriously when my closer is "the blackest thing about me is that I date fat white girls".

sometimes I wake up in the morning and wish I didn't have any arms...

Yesterday, I went to Kinko's after work to scan Brett Clawson's headshot into a digital format and email it to myself. While there a lady was waiting to use the scanner and asked if I knew how to use it. I replied I did. I found out her name was Gail and she was a paralegal trying to take a 20 page document and put it into .PDF format. She was probably early-mid thirties, and pretty attractive. And married. Dang. Anyway, I tried as best I could for about 40 minutes to help her out, eventually we had to ask the actual Kinko's people for help as I didn't know how make the program stop spell checking her documents. Also, I got mistaken for a kinko's worker twice while I was helping Gail. The moral of the story, stop being nice to people, because others expect you to be nice to THEM, and that's just not going to happen. Oh yeah, and I should carry my business cards on me more often.

I arrived at the Comedy Forum last night after 7:00pm; and the show started around 8:15 or 8:20. I was slated as 11th or so to go on, but some guys had to leave early, so the list got rearranged many a time. During the show, I drank multiple cups of coffee because Claire kept bringing them to me.Anyway, I ended up going on around 10:20 or so, and by that time I was so wound up, I decided to only do 4 jokes. My telethon joke, my new snowboarding joke, my childhood dream joke (which I don't think I've ever done before) and a thing about not having any arms (which I came up with yesterday at work). Anyway, the crowd was kind of with me, but not really, they were pretty rowdy last night; Stout had to chew them out once or twice. Tim Heeley came and sat near the front, so I saw him laugh a couple of times during my set.
They're having a competition in 2 weeks that's the 30th, the day before my show at Harry's so I'll at least be getting on a couple of times before that (don't forget about the show at the Omega Complex on the 26th, I think I mentioned that, didn't I?)

the off season

I wasn't at the Funny Bone for 10 minutes last night before 2 people commented on how I didn't Blog last week. I'm not sure if people care what I have to say, or if they're just waiting for me to stick my foot in my mouth. Either way, they're reading, right? Last week I did absolutely ziltch comedy-wise; I was in Colorado with family learning how to snowboard, more specifically I was in Colorado paying good money to fall down and hurt my tailbone, shoulders and calves. I did get some jokes out of it, though, and I will almost always call that a win (getting a joke out of a painful situation). Anyway, last week was a blast, but I felt a little "out of it" last night at the funny bone. They didn't publish a list online this week, so when we showed up we signed up on a piece of paper (I used to have to sign up like that in Minneapolis, but we'd wait for an hour and a half for the list to be published). Not being bashful, I signed up first, no surprisingly I was scheduled to go up first. Jeremy Essig MC'd and brought me up to a fairly excited crowd. I had every intention of having the video of last night's performance on the site, not because it is in any way outstanding, but just because I haven't added footage lately. Anyway, I did some old jokes (like spanish class and the pharmacy jokes) and I did my somewhat new roommate jokes, but mostly I did a new snowboarding joke, which I feel needs a bigger punch at the end, or at least variation in the way I deliver the turn. Hmmm, it seems that talking about the 'anatomy' of a joke is pretty boring. Anyway, they didn't have anyone working the light, so I ended up going a little long. Anyway, I got a headshot of Brett Clawson and got footage to make shots of Joe Lehnig for the Montgomery City show. I really need to get on that asap. I'm really not being very on top of that.

The Forum's tonight, which will be a chance to work on my snowboarding joke. I think I have to run to my car now...

off my game

I just realized that I haven't blogged any of my Fairview Heights' adventures from the past week. To start off, I worked with Pat Dixon and Ty Barnett, both very funny guys and very nice too. On stage my sets were decent, but I think that since I had just finished a week opening in Bloomington I had a hard time transitioning to MC-ing. I messed up some of the announcements and generally did not pump up the crowd enough. Everyone in Westport told/tells/will tell me that as long as you get the announcements right, you won't have much trouble. Anyway, Wednesday we did a show for 19 people, and Ty had an amazing attitude about the whole thing, saying they could have gotten up and left when they saw the size of the rest of the audience. Thursday's crowd was huge, at least 150 people, and the rest of the shows for the week were really large, too. Anyway, Saturday, Ty gave me some very good advice about being more energetic and having the mentality of "if you don't come see this show, you're going to kick yourself". Anyway, when Joey paid me out for the week, she gave me some very good advice, about making a connection with the crowd (like by asking about birthdays and stuff) about really hyping up the feature and headliner, and about the wording of announcements. It all should seem like common sense stuff, but really alot was stuff that just didn't occur to me. In any case, it was a fun week and a learning experience.