New material is scary

Doing new material is scary; especially when you are doing a set with "lots" of new material. I opened tonight with my Dairy Queen joke, and it was pretty well-received. The third punchline in the list of three I do in that joke got groaned a bit, but Tommy Johnagin talked to me and told me how to play around with it to get the best response (ie get laughs). I did some new material about waiting tables (this list is basically for me stroke, baby, dreams) and it went better than I had hoped. I closed on my health and smoking bit. That was weird, especially because I've been using it as an opener basically since I wrote it. I got more laughs on the kryptonite line than I have in most of the times I've told the joke as an opener.

My Pet Tricerotops and table twenty one

My girlfriend thinks I have A.D.D., and I'm starting to believe she's right. I'm barely able to concentrate on writing when I actually want to sit down and write. It's terribly annoying because I want to write more material and improve the material I have, but sitting down is so hard because I get distracted so easily. Even now, I'm working on some video editing and moving stuff around on my harddrive(s) so that my laptop's internal drive has enough space for a second video project.
Despite my inability to regularly sit down and write new material, I tried a couple new jokes tonight at the Forum. Several comics and I agreed tonight was not the night to do new material, but we found that out AFTER we had performed... Whoops. I'm working on a bit about Dairy Queen at the moment that I like, and have a couple things about my job as a waiter in progress and I thought of a truly ridiculous prank to pull on my roommate, but it's based upon my being bald, and isn't really all that unique or different from my shampoo joke. That's the last thing I want; is to have some set that's based on my being bald with call-backs and weird hand gestures. I mean it works for Josh Blue, but he has cerebral palsy, not a shiny head...
At the end of the middle of my set, I started getting a little blue, which isn't something I'm proud of, but if I were to look for a silver lining, I'd say at least some of the crass things that came out of my mouth were funny; I mean I know I can be funny when working dirty, I'd just prefer to not get so agitated that I go there.

by the seat of my pants

Tonight was a great night. I emceed at the Comedy Forum for Costaki Economopoulos and Brian Aldridge. I first worked with Brian in Milwaukee in 2006 and when I saw his headshot a couple weeks ago; I got excited. I remembered him being really funny and we hung out (went shoe shopping, which is weird), and when he walked in tonight, he recognized me. That's awesome. I love how in comedy, you meet a comic, hang out for a week and then not see them for a year (or more) and you're still cool. There's this weird connection some comics share; it really makes it easier when you're in a different town and away from friends and family.

My set tonight wasn't great. I mean I had some KILLER laughs, but I also had one or two (which is one or two too many...) dry spots where material I consider proven didn't deliver. However, while I was on stage, I wrote a couple jokes on the fly, which I am normally completely against doing, and they got some good laughs. Even during the middle of the setups, I was thinking to myself "Why are you doing this? You don't know where you're going here", and then a punchline would come out and work. Even though we only had 18 people in the audience, the entire show went really well and the audience members weren't uptight about being so small; which really helped make the show rock.

a whole new hair cut

Last night at the Comedy Forum, we had twenty six comics show up. TWENTY SIX. The Forum is lumping comics into one of two groups; the Pro-Am guys and the open mike guys. Pro-Am comics should typically get a little bit more time since they're hopefully working and should have a better chance to have a good set. Since we had so many comics last night, though, I had to keep everybody at 4:00 minutes. I don't remember the entire show, but I do know I recorded my set and tried out a bunch of new-ish stuff.

Tonight I rewrote the DQ bit and did pretty well, however I followed a female comic who had about 3 minutes on having a shaved head as a child and how people thought she had cancer. So my first twenty fifteen on stage were basically wasted because some dude in the audience said I had leukemia and I didn't have a snappy comeback. Aside from that my set was good, and I came in under four minutes, which hasn't happened in a while at the Funny Bone

How should I know?

I was at the Comedy Forum tonight, and near the beginning of the night, it looked like we were going to have a small group of comics go on for a smaller audience. Later, after the meeting, it looked like we were going to have a big group of comics go on in front of a bigger audience. Andrew Topping hosted and I was up second. Jeff Wesselschmidt would later tell me that he loves it when I turn on a crowd. Because apparently I turned on the crowd. Somewhere within my first joke, an audience member (who sat in the very last row, so I hated those audience members already (I mean it's not CHURCH, so what are you "hiding" from?)) said something and I immediately told him to shut up. He piped up a couple of times and I was rude and insulted his hypothetical G.E.D. Anyway, I did my married woman joke and my presidential impersonations thing and launched into my I guess you had to be there t-shirt idea. I kind of gave up on the crowd, and probably pissed them off for yelling at that dude so quickly. My lesson learned tonight was not to go after a talkative audience member within the first 10 minutes of the show.
Speaking of advice; I've been asked for a lot of advice lately from new comics; and it's really weird. For starters I don't know that much myself, so I think it's weird that someone thinks I can teach them. Secondly, I've been in the position of asking advice; it made me think of the comics and people from whom I ask advice (I basically only ask advice from people I respect and think are funny).


(
Another comic and I used to talk about how we saw ourselves as the lame kids in high school and one group of comics as the cool kids (Alpha Betas, Blue Ribbons, the Claire Standish's and Andrew Clark's). My friend and I were kind of afraid of talking to the cool kids for fear of making ourselves look stupid. But we would occasionally ask them for advice.
)


That's how I have felt (sadly, I am not Judd Nelson-ish enough for my own tastes) lately. Regardless, I've been asked advice about stuff like stage presence and how to write jokes. The weird part is I remember asking those questions, and I remember figuring out the answers of having them being told to me. So I kind of reenacted it, only with the other person playing the part of me. So when a dude asked how to write jokes (I think he wanted a kind of Holy Graille format to writing jokes - like a way to make ANYTHING funny). I mean I've asked comics if they knew that before, but there's no real answer to that question. So I just told him how I write and hoped he would use what I said to supplement his own style. It was a weird situation, because I don't think I'm qualified for that kind of thing.


Another thing has been on my mind. I know it's idiotic, but I'm getting offended by people calling themselves "comics", and talking about their "dream" when they've been at less than a dozen open mics. Maybe I'm being immature or dumb, but I get upset when people try to put their new-found hobby on the same level as my near-career. (It was either call it a destiny, which I think is too much, or near-career). In the past four years, I've met probably fifty to a hundred people who've all showed up with a couple minutes of jokes and dreams of stardom and then were never seen or heard from again. Meanwhile, I've been at hundreds of open mics, gone from never working professionally to getting booked in seven states (performing in ten) and working a dozen clubs. And they have the "nerve" to call themselves aspiring comedians, or say that Stand-Up is their favorite thing in the world. If so, why don't I see them at every open mic? (The first thing I did in St Louis was find out where all the open mics were. Sounds like a logical step, right? Find one open mic, then ask the people more where to find other open mics... Rinse Repeat). I know I come off as a complete egotistical a-hole, especially since I SAY "Comedy is my favorite thing" and I CALL IT "my dream"...
I know there's no way to tell if these noobs will be around in four years... but when people do open mic twice and then immediately make a Myspace Comedy page, it cheapens what I do. And that's not right. I've heard comics call the clubs their churches, and I completely see that point of view. Comedy is my religion, and I can't stand blasphemers.

I'm not the guy

I watch a lot of anime.

I play a lot of RPG's.

Wikipedia defines grinding as the process of engaging in repetitive and/or non-entertaining gameplay in order to gain access to other features within the game.

(I'm going somewhere with this, I promise)

In anime and RPG's; the main character works and works and eventually hits some unknown level and becomes (usually) an unstoppable fighting machine. I've been "grinding" stand up comedy for quite a while, and I'm starting to realize that I'm not going to hit some crazy, near god-like level. And the weird part about it is, I'm good with that. In cartoons (which aren't real) the grinding process is massive and so the pay-off is just as massive. In life (read my life) the struggle is varies from moderate to massive, but I am rewarded periodically with good sets, a new joke, work at a new club, or a "good job" from some random audience member.

Last night I was at the Westport Funny Bone, and Rahn Ramey had Andy Faasen and I do some time. I got to emcee (I omitted my black-name joke). The crowd was pretty talkative, so my set wasn't the Kaioken Kamehameha set I am (always) looking for. However, my gay-bar joke got a great laugh for my closer, which was awesome. After my set, Jeremy Essig went up, then Andy, and then I did my skiing joke as Rahn told me to do some more time. I did that joke, saw a light in the back and brought Rahn up. During the show I asked about announcements and Matt and Jeff didn't have anything other than the website/myspace and wait staff.

Sometimes I wish I didn't know people read this, and sometimes I wish I would have used more anonymity because then I wouldn't feel weird about revealing the weird way my brain works, or how I sometimes confuse reality with Japanese Kung Fu Cartoons, or movies staring Taimak and Julius Carry. Sadly I'm too stuck with this blog to start a new one; and too busy to commit to the OCD task of giving the blog a new address and "coding" all the names and references in order to create the anonymity my self confidence probably needs.

A guest set and then some

Thursday night, I got off of work early and so I headed to Westport to catch Rahn Ramey at the Funny Bone. Jeremy Essig was featuring, and Rahn asked if I wanted to do a guest spot. I said I would; and then Matt told me I would be hosting. I asked Jeremy to watch my set, and he said he would. My set went well, and while talking to Jeremy we discussed my Black Name joke and how in a seven minute set there might not be enough time to recover should the audience not appreciate it (which somewhat happened during my set). He did say that my energy was good on stage, which I hope means I didn't look nervous or uncollected (not collected? is that right?). Anyway after the show, Rahn gave me one of his DVDs (that I edited and designed a cover for), thanked me and said he would pay me at the end of the week. I'm really glad that he likes the finished product.

Relay Race

Last night, we had a bunch of comics at the Funny Bone and not so many audience members. Matt debated whether or not to do a show, and decided to do one relay race style. So instead of having an emcee, each comic brought up the comic after them. The show wasn't that bad, either. There was a really talkative lady up front at first, but Jeff Johnson shut her up and then another one piped up. Ugg. My set went alright, though I went over my time (I did four and should have done three) but I got out a new joke about my engaged cousin and the audience laughed and a couple comics said they liked it. I also did my Hotel Rates joke, and Jeff Wesselschmidt said I should spell it N-I-G-H-T-L-Y because I might thrown off fewer people.

At least I ate fried cheese

Last night i had twenty-two or twenty-three people on the list; during the meeting I explained that I absolutely hate 2 hour shows and would be adjusting the times everyone got accordingly (so I gave everyone four minutes). I sat in the back the entire show and kept time, and it's amazing how some people don't know the difference between three and four minutes on stage. I mean; they'd see the first light and sometimes do another fifteen seconds and bail; that's fine with me, I'll never complain about someone going under their time at an open mic/pro-am; but being able to know how much time you've-done / are-doing / are-expected-to-do is a key foundation to being a successful comic. It's one of the things that hardly gets brought up; but it's vital nonetheless.
As for my set, I went a couple shades of blue I'd rather not discuss and rushed some punchlines and generally did not have a good set. Sometimes it's you the comedian; sometimes it's the jokes, sometimes it's the audience. Last night it was the audience (at first) and then it became me. I did try one new joke out last night; it's short but I need to shorten it up and slide it in between some similarly topiced jokes then it will probably work much better.

I've made it through another week at the Comedy Cafe in Milwaukee, and last night's shows were great. For every set this week, I tried to do at least one or two different jokes; I started and closed the same all week, but made sure to throw in a bunch of different stuff. I don't really remember a ton of details about the shows last night, I remember I did my Weekly rates joke and my mozzarella sticks joke and the latter was better received than the former. The main event last night was the drive home from about 11:30pm to 5:30am. I literally got about three hours of sleep this morning before I headed to work for a 9.5 hour Sunday Brunch Shift. It's strange, but even at quarter to ten, I'm not all that tired...

One show only

Tonight we only had one show at the Comedy Cafe. Tonight was the Brewer's home opener, so the club rightfully expected low turn out and decided to have only one show. The worst part was that Pat had to do radio at the field for some Tailgate extravaganza. So Pat had to "sell himself" to people who were at the event competing with ours.
The show itself was really good. I'd even dare to say great. My set went really well, I did my Phone sex joke and my Sams' club joke and nearly got applause breaks on both of them. After the show, a bunch of people came up to me and thanked me. I'd say the first six or seven of them were all guys, so I got self-confident and thought I had upset the female audience. Eventually some ladies told me they liked my set, and one even said she thought I was the best. Afterwards, Steve Pat and I went back to the casino and I lost forty nine dollars playing 2-4 Kill Limit Texas Hold 'Em.

Exciting times

It's 12:37, Friday afternoon and I literally got up today, grabbed my lappy and walked to a bar in Milwaukee that has free wi-fi with Hannibal Burris, the feature act this week at the Comedy Cafe. We did one show last night, and it was a ton of fun. The announcer this week is Steve Hartman from Appleton, I'm the "Second Opener", and Pat Dixon is headlining. My set went really well last night; before-hand I mentioned to Pat and Steve that the crowd might not like me because there were some large-ish women in the audience and I have more than a couple fat jokes. But I didn't really upset anyone enough that I wasn't able to win them back later.
I don't know where it happened in my set; I think it was at the end of my two seminary jokes; some girl "Woo"'d really loudly, and without too much hesitation (so my timing was really good) I said "What's your name?" and I got a huge laugh off of that. Also, during my shampoo joke, I called back to the blind skier (I've kind of modified that joke a couple times over the past week, which is really cool. I like the idea of freshening up my material).
After the show, we were talking to four audience members and they wanted to know about my shampoo joke. I had to admit it is one of the few that isn't based on "truth", but then I said the married-woman joke was. Then we talked about killing people for like 6 minutes and some dude offered his services. Repeatedly.
After that, Steve, Pat and I went to Potawatomi Indian Casino to play some poker. I actually won one hand, but ended up losing 40 bucks. We'll probably go back tonight; which is a terrible financial decision on my behalf, but it'll be fun.

About the scene

Joe Murray said I should talk more about the scene in my blog. People have told me before to change stuff to keep my blog interesting. "Hey you should..."
-write jokes in your blog
-actually be funny
-talk about other comedians

I've tried writing jokes in my blog, but they never sound right. I don't think my jokes translate as well written as they do spoken, and I don't want people to think "that's not funny" when they read one of my jokes. As for being funny, I don't know how to joke-up the fact that I emceed in the Jazz club last night. Honestly, it wasn't that funny (to me).
I also don't like talking about other comics; If I trash a comedian, that would obviously be bad. BUT, if I compliment a comedian, like Joe Murray (who is really funny and almost magically dark), then what about the comics I don't compliment? I mean would Josh Arnold, Jeff Wesselschmidt, Mikey Manker and Mark Feigenbutz be mad I didn't mention them too? I'd rather not take any chances on people not having thick skin, you know?

"Tonight", there was some SLU Vs. MU comedy battle royale at the Funny Bone. I heard that the show wasn't great; but I wasn't there. I was next-door at the Jazz club hosting the open mic. That's right, hosting. The crowd was a little weird and my set was weird because I went up without any offstage announcements or ANYTHING. Just me walking up and saying hello. I'm pretty sure I should have got the comedians to start clapping as I walked up to clue the people in the audience into what's up. Anyway, the night was alright; we only had 11 comedians or so. I gerrymandered the times for the guys who have more experience and we got about 90 minutes out of the show.