See Spot Run

Tonight I did my very first spot light at the West Port Funny Bone. I went up between Joe Marlotti and Buzz Sutherland, both very funny comics. First off; the audience was huge, Jeff said there were a hundred and forty people, but it seemed like way more. And following Joe was really cool, because the audience was very warmed up. My set felt really good; last night a bunch of people told me to do that material tonight, but I had to add 2 to 3 minutes, so I drew up a cheat sheet and ended up using it (-5). Other than I don't have any real complaints about my set.
I've been working on one joke; which I call [endorsments]. I've been starting out saying "I don't drink anymore" or "I've been sober for 18 months, clap if you want I don't care" because I want the audience to know more about me. I think it's cool when a comedian is honest and you can laugh with/at them, but you leave knowing their perspective. Anyway, instead of bringing out my little problem, I'm thinking about just skipping over it and saying something like "In college, I was a professional alcoholic; the only thing I was missing was an endorsement deal. I should have had patches on my jacket, like Nascar drivers. Stuff like "Jägermeister", and "White Castle" and "Camel Cigarettes" so when you saw me face down in a street somewhere, you know how I got there. People could walk up and say 'Wow, that guy must sure like Jägermeister... and White Castle... and fat girls...'" and then follow up with "instead of endorsements, I just got a sponsor". I think that would flow well into my "I actually went to an AA meeting once, and I felt a lot better. After hearing some of those stories, suddenly me peeing on the TV isn't such a big deal".

Most of all he needs the funk (shine it)
Help him find the funk (ha, funk it!)
Most of all he needs the funk
Help him find the funk (get him)

I write this blog for me, but if you have comments or suggestions feel free to email me or don't.

sp -5

Last night Kevin Patterson was MC-ing, as I asked Scott Avery if I could keep time; he said yeah. The showroom was absolutely packed (especially for an open mic), the audience was pretty good; there was some table-talk, but overall they were generous with the laughs. I was slated 10th or 11th to go up, and my first joke or comment was about how the guy before me looked like me, only with a buzz cut. I can't say it worked; but I'm still learning to make up stuff on the fly like that. As for the rest of my set, I had a T-total blast. The crowd seemed to have fun, and I felt pretty energetic (which was a miracle considering this cold I have). Anyway, after the show, several people told me that was the best set they've seen me do. And after I was done helping Pam and Patti clean up, Matt Behrens asked if I was free tonight to do a spotlight. I of course said yeah. He gave Dwayne Ingram one for Thursday (gratz, Dwayne). That means I'll probably end up skipping Laughs this week, because if I can get some stage time, watch a pro-show and get to bed at a reasonable hour, that's pretty much a no-brainer for me. This cold wouldn't be so bad if I could just get a decent joke about it, but I said the same thing about some drunk hitting my car in the Westport parking lot last summer. So far, nothing's been real funny about that either...

One blade for breaking my heart
One blade for tearing me apart

If you have any comments about this blog; please email me.

Meh.

I've got a pretty bad cold, my nose is all stopped up, and my throat is kind of scratchy. And the meds from Walgreen's aren't really pulling their weight. Regardless, Clayton said we were having a show last night at the Bistro, so I went. And I'm glad I did, we had a pretty big crowd; and for the most part I had fun on stage. I tried a couple of new jokes, but sadly the biggest cheer during my set came when someone made a 5-7 combo on the pool table behind the "audience". They probably didn't even call their shot...
Anyway, New Year's is coming up, and I've been thinking about a resolution to make; I mean I already gave up alcohol and cigarettes, so now I think I should get in shape. I don't want a trainer, weight gain supplements or protein bars; I need a workout montage. Just put on some sweet 80s song; see me do four push ups, a couple sit-ups, drinking raw eggs, some jump-roping, and then BUFF! Of course the last time I tried a montage was when my friends and I held a car wash to save the Drive-in. Maybe I should just watch less Television... I realized the other day that Donald Trump was 2 parents away from being Batman. Because if someone would have killed his parents outside a movie theater 50 years ago, he'd be fighting crime with a cape and some high-tech gadgets and he wouldn't be ruining my Thursday nights...

Risin' up, back on the street
Did my time, took my chances
Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet
Just a man and his will to survive

If you have any comments about this blog; please email me.

a fair view

Last night I headed over to Fairview Heights to see Tommy Johnagin and Andy Woodhull. Brian O'Neille (sp -5), who recently started doing comedy at the Funny Bone was there also, and eventually Nikki Glaser showed up. After the show we all went over to Laughs on the Landing; where Craig Mayhem was hosting for an out of town Adam Lough. I got the five of us (Andy, Brian, Nikki and Tommy and I) on the list and we hung out for the show. There were a ton of comics on the list last night, at least 20 or so; and a lot of them seemed to be first timers (I'm not saying they were bad, I just didn't recognize many of them). Anyway, Tommy, Andy and Nikki all got on stage and each had some material I had never seen before (which was very cool). Also each cracked a joke on Craig's tight-tight t-shirt. I think they all did a pizza joke as well. And it goes without saying that they did well. Those three crack me up. Andy told me I had to do a pizza joke so I said I liked my pizza like I like my women, "big, round, and all sliced up". Not surprisingly, I didn't get many laughs. Probably not the best opener I've ever had. At Tommy's request I also made a jab at Craig's shirt, though I don't think he heard it, as I got to the microphone, all I said was "that's the last time I lend you a shirt, Craig, you can just keep it" or something like that. Anyway, I did a bunch of my 'new' material (stuff I've written since Tommy and Andy saw me on stage) and Tommy tagged one of my jokes when I got off stage. Or, more precisely, he gave me a punch line that works.
I was in China a couple years ago, and I went into a porn shop, they're everywhere there. They had straight porn, gay porn, bestiality porn, and a section with animals having sex with animals. That was my setup… Tommy added... I don't know what was more disturbing, the Nature Porn, or the 10 dollar late fee..
That was probably the highlight of my set, which I pretty much did for a crowd of less than 10 non-comics (whom I couldn't see because of the bright lights). Brian went up second to last and had some very funny bits despite the lateness and lack of a crowd. We stuck around for the end of the show and I didn't get home until a whopping 1:00 am. I feel absolutely horrible today, I think I'm getting sick, but I got a joke (punch line) out of it. And that kind of makes it all worthwhile.

So tell me how do you do?
Finally I meet you, you don't know what I've been through
I had a dream my trip would end up at you,
and now I know paradise.

This is the subject line of a blog

[A room somewhere, anywhere. Maybe a coffee shop. Maybe a break room in an office. You pick the setting. Two people are talking, one is a bald white guy about 26 years old, the other is mysterious, maybe hiding in shadows or something]

Person: So, how did the show go last night?
Marcus: The show was fine, almost everyone had a really good set.
Person: Did you get on stage?
Marcus: No, but I hung around for the show anyway.
Person: Did they post a list before you showed up?
Marcus: No, actually this week they posted a writing assignment, it was very different.
Person: What was the assignment?
Marcus: We had to write an essay on Purple Rain
Person: The Prince movie from the 80's?
Marcus: Exactly.
Person: So what did you do?
Marcus: Well, I've never seen the movie, so I hopped online and tried to find a plot summary or something to help me BS my way through it, I mean I wrote my senior thesis in college almost entirely by Cliff's notes, and I got an 'A'.
Person: Your parents must be proud...
Marcus: Yeah, anyway, I got on the IMDB and found some guys comment on the movie. It was like an essay in and of itself.
Person: So you used that?
Marcus: Yeah, I emailed it in, but I wasn't planning on taking credit for it, I was at the same time working on my own essay.
Person: So why'd you email it in?
Marcus: It was really good, I thought that they'd get a kick out of it.
Person: So how'd your own essay go?
Marcus: Well, that's just the thing, after reading the IMDB one, I couldn't find my own angle, it was really hard. Plus did I mention, I never saw the movie?
Person: Probably.
Marcus: Anyway, I wanted to talk about the psychological conflicts in the movie, man versus man, man versus society, man versus self, et cetera. But I didn't have enough info and I couldn't find any info on the movie.
Person: So what did you do?
Marcus: Well I started working on an essay comparing Purple Rain to a different movie, staring a different pop culture icon, only from a different decade.
Person: [covers face with hands] I'm afraid to ask. Was it?
Marcus: Yup, Cool as Ice.
Person: And you're personally familiar with this movie?
Marcus: I saw it once about five years ago.
Person: And so you wrote an essay comparing a movie you've never seen to a movie you saw once, five years ago?
Marcus: No, I didn't have time, see all of this happened Monday [coughs and mutters the next words under his breath] at work. And I didn't have time to finish by the end of the day.
Person: So what happened next?
Marcus: Well, I went to a different show, and when I got home I had an email from one of the essay judges.
Person: What did it say?
Marcus: They were impressed by the essay, the fake essay.
Person: And how did that make you feel?
Marcus: Queasy. For a number of reasons; 1) I'm not a hack, I don't steal material, and I don't want people to think I do. I've had to stop watching Comedy Central standup for fear of sub consciously stealing material; even last week I saw a guy do a bit that I do; the problem is I saw him do it probably before I started doing the bit, but I didn't realize it. So I probably lifted that bit, and didn't know it. But that's another issue. 2) They were impressed, and they told me; no one does that. I mean I get the standard "good set" and "I like that bit" stuff that all comics feed each other when they don't really have anything else to say.
Person: But it wasn't yours.
Marcus: Exactly! I was queasy because I knew how much they had to be impressed to mention it, so I knew how much they would be pissed when I confessed the truth. The higher something goes up, the more it has to fall, you know?
Person: How poetic. Anyway, so you're considering confessing?
Marcus: There wasn't really any consideration, I wasn't ever planning on claiming it as my own, if I had and they found out it was plagiarized, I'd be hosed. At this point I was actually afraid they'd get super pissed and tell me to get out.
Person: Seriously?
Marcus: Yeah. I'm kind of a worst-case-scenario kind of guy. And pessimists are never disappointed.
Person: Paranoid much?
Marcus: All the time, actually, I mean, it's not about how people think of me; I could honestly care less. I mean I've never been popular, I'm not good in social situations, and typically I feel like the odd man out, so I've got pretty good at ignoring/not caring what people think about me. However when people act different around me, that's what bugs me.
Person: And you honestly think they'd not allow you back because of a writing exercise?
Marcus: It's like this, when I was sixteen, my parents found a couple of packs of cigarettes in my room, and I told them they weren't mine. Whether or not they actually believed me isn't the point, I know that when they found out later I was smoking they were more disappointed in my lying than my actual smoking.
Person: So you told the truth about the IMDB essay so keep from disappointing the judges?
Marcus: In college I learned that some professors Google the first sentence of some papers and essays they get, and if the sentence comes up, they know their student cheated. I was kind of hoping that they knew and if I told them first they'd be like "that took guts, kid" or something, you know? Like I had character or moxy or something.
Person: So you confessed to impress them that way?
Marcus: No, I did it because I never had any intention of claiming that essay as my own; even when I was almost kind of praised for it. It's like finding a wallet with a bunch of cash in it and returning it intact. Only now people wonder how I got the wallet in the first place, you know?
Person: You use a lot of analogies, you know?
Marcus: I was an English major, it's kind of how I think. Symbolism and all...
Person: So last night, you showed up, turned in your real essay, didn't get banned from the Funny Bone, and didn't get on stage, you saw a good show and now you're blogging all about it now. Do you kind of consider this an apology or as kissing up?
Marcus: No, I don't blog so people can read about it, I blog so I can remember it later. It's cool that people do read this, but I try not to let it sway what I talk about too much.
Person: So you'll blog about almost anything or anyone then? Comedy related that is.
Marcus: Well, I try not to be critical of people, if I go on record saying someone had a bad set, they might get upset, and I don't want that. But then again, if I pay everyone a compliment save one person, they might take that as an insult too.
Person: Wow, you ARE paranoid.
Marcus: But then again, me not blogging about something can be just bad. If I didn't write about last night or if I didn't even mention my little panic attack about the essay, both people who read this might think I was pissed or scared or something.
Person: And you're not?
Marcus: Not pissed, no. Why should I be? I mean I was jealous of those who got stage time, but I'm always jealous of anyone on stage. But I am a little worried Scott, Jeremy or Matt will read this and be like "he was ok, until he blogged about it but now…"
Person: Maybe you should consider seeing a therapist. You might be a little unbalanced.
Marcus: Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?
Person: Alright then, so why do your entry like this today?
Marcus: I've been reading a Lejos Ergi book where he has a lot of scenes from plays in it, and I wanted to try my hand at dialogue writing. It also kind of lets people learn more about me, and my cute little neurosis; I get to play devil's advocate in a way, and it gives Gabe something to read about.

Yeah if I make it I'd be amazed
Just to find tomorrow

Seriously, if you have any comments about this blog; please email me.

Show Me Your Bistro

Last night I tried out some more suicidal material and it was a little, as Clayton told me "depressing". Maybe the subject's not as funny as I thought, and maybe that's an understatement. Nikki Glaser and Matt Wolff were present and did sets, which I caught and enjoyed. There were some very loud individuals at the bar during most of the show, which happens. I mean it is a bar, and they're there spending money, which is more than I can say for myself and the zero people I bring on a regular basis. I know Matt, Nikki and Bill all commented (on stage) about how rude the talkers were being. I taped my set, and if I'm lucky I'll have a chance to upload it and some other video before tonight so I can "reset" my tape and start over.

The soul's escaping, through this hole that it's gaping
This world is mine for the taking

Booyah, Bloomington!

This weekend I was in Bloomington, IL at the Funnybone opening for Jason Dixon and I had a complete blast. I actually saw Jason a while back at the Aspen auditions, he's very funny and super nice. The drive down was kind of stressful because I didn't know what time I'd arrive at the club (mental note; leave St. Louis by 3pm if you want to get to Bloomington and check into your hotel room and be at the club by 7 (show's at 7:30). The first show was a little shaky, and I'm ashamed to say I had to check my cheat sheet. I still had some fun, and got laughs, so it wasn't a bad experience. Second show Friday was easier for me, but there was a giant office party and a capital D-Drunk lady in the front who kept talking through Jason's set. He handled it well, but after the show some people told us they would have enjoyed it more had she been killed or at the least told to shut up more. Saturday afternoon, Jason bought me lunch at Famous Dave's BBQ and the burger I had was awesome. Then I checked out the movie "Just Friends" (meh) and caught part of the Chiefs/Giants game with Jason. The Saturday shows were great, I switched up some of my material (each set had at least a couple of minutes of 'unique' material). I even inserted one existing bit into my porn bits and it works very well, I feel. After the last show I hung out for a bit and then drove back to St. Louis, stopping only for McD's drive-through. Mmmm. It was a very good weekend because Jason and the wait staff at the FunnyBone were very nice and approachable; I kind of get nervous around the wait staff at clubs because I don't really know anyone and I'm really bad with names. But I'm back there in a month and I think I'll remember everyone's name (that I learned).

They always standing next to me,
Always dancing next to me,

"Car"ma, get it?

I forgot to mention that when I got to the parking lot at the Landing Wednesday; one of my tires had gone flat (front right). Joy! Thankfully I had a little air-compressor that I got from work (as a reward or something) that let me get home. I took my car to Dobbs yesterday and got a new tire (60 bucks, cha-ching) because the other one was irrepairable. Last night I went to the Bone to see John Morgan; Josh Blue was there, I remember meeting him in Vegas at last year's festival. Anyway, on the way back to my car, the new tire was flat. Yeah, I cursed.

for better or worse...

I don't know how to feel about last night; I went to Springfield and Laughs on the Landing and didn't get home untill about midnight and ended up getting out two very different sets. I met Tom in Troy, IL (exit, 18) at the Cracker Barrell, and Tom drove us into Springfield (I was literally falling asleep as I drove into Illinois). At Springfield, there were six comics total. I ended up going on first, followed by Tom and the four others. Leading off, I felt I had a very strong set; there were a bunch of people in Break Time and they seemed to pay attention pretty well. I didn't end up placing in the top three. The lady who ended up winning did all hack material, and even read a dirty Christmas poem that I remember hearing in grade school. Tiffany explained it to me later; since I'm going to work for Don this weekend (and some next month) they gave the first-place spot to someone else in order to allow them the chance to come back. And I'm alright with that, because I'm getting some work out of it, but it would have been nice to win some gas money.
Tom and I arrived at the LL show just before it started; apparently last night was the Forum show as well, because we only had about 11 guys on the list to go up. But the show wasn't short because Adam did about 4 to 5 minutes between each comic. Usually I wouldn't mind, I'll obviously do anything/go anywhere for stage time, and so sitting through a show is just part of the price. However, it was a long night, and when Travis read the same poem as the lady from Springfield and the crowd went nuts I almost gave up. It's so frustrating when people go up and don't try, aren't original, and use vulgarity as a crutch and they get all the praise. At that kind of moment, it hurts; I mean I know I'm working in Bloomington this weekend, I know I have a chance to working, going pro, living my dream, but it's like the feeling you get when you break up with a boy or girlfriend. You know what's going on in the long-run; but emotions and thoughts in the present over whelm logic and reason. As for my set at LL, I got up second to last and started by expressing my frustration; and ended with one of my favorite lines (from life, not stage) "but at least I'm not bitter". And then I broke out my suicide material, which seemed to get great responce. Kevin White later said that I seemed very conversational (during that part of my set); I moved off of suicide and towards the topic of women, and did a couple of lines that I wanted to work on, (one in particular that has NEVER worked, but I don't want to give up on it). I finished my set, talked with Kevin White and Lucas for a minute and then headed home. I didn't get to bed until midnight.

listen to the sound of me spillin' my heart through this pen,
[and you know they] know that I'll never be Marshall again

hanging in like a hair on a biscuit

I was talking to an open micer last night; it was his first time up and he seemed nervous; which is normal. My advice (and I don't know where I got this, maybe I made it up) was "Stand up is like sky diving, as long as your chute opens, call it a win". That being said, someone must've given me a knapsack; because I hit the ground HARD. I like to believe my energy was high and the crowd was just in a lull, but I'll have to watch the tape (as painful as that may be). I also got to keep time and light people last night but my new phone didn't (or doesn't) have a stop watch, so Scott Avery gave me an analog wall clock. So I got to do math all night, writing down 8:32:20 to 8:36:10 = 3:50 and such. Anyway, last night was a really rough set, but I have Springfield and LL tonight and Bloomington this weekend to look forward to.

If I was walkin' in your shoes, I wouldn't worry none
While you 'n' your friends are worried about me I'm havin' lots of fun,

man, I can't think of anything to go here...

Last night I headed over to the Bistro around 9pm or so; and prepped myself for the show that started around 10 or so. I was really excited to try something new with my second porn joke, and I wanted to focus on that and a bunch of other "unfinished" jokes I have. Anyway, I ended up flubbing how I wanted to deliver that one joke, but on the plus side, my Easter joke was well recieved and one female in the audience seemed almost disturbed by some of my suicide jokes. That's not really the intention of said jokes (just a bonus!) and I know I'll have to work on them more to tighten them up. Clayton also gave me a tag idea for my second porn joke, which I really liked. I'm hoping to come up with a way to remember/use it by tonight's show at the Funnybone.
Maybe I’m just scared of losin’ you
Or maybe it’s the things you make me do
It seems to me we both should hang around
And raise the population of this town

Gold Star Comedy

Clayton Champagne and I met at the Main Street Bistro yesterday afternoon and headed into Illinois. Olney (pronounced All knee) Illinois, specifically, home of the white (albino) squirrel. Gabe Kea, Joe Hart, Ken JR were leaving later that afternoon and would eventually meet us at Papa Mike's, the venue. Butch Lord was already in Olney doing radio for the show that CW Robertson had put together featuring all of us.
I have to admit that I was a little skeptical about the show; remember that bar, the Double Deuce, in Road House. I kind of imagined that. The show room was actually very cool, and packed full of people at round-tables (6 and 8 tops mainly) with a bar in the back, manned (operated, I should say) by Haley, the bartender. I don't remember too many of the names of people I was introduced to, it was a pretty full evening. Anyway, the order was Gabe, Me, Clayton, Joe, CW, Ken, Butch.
I recorded my set and Clayton's; mine will be up hopefully by Monday.
I had to write an introduction for the MC (who was a radio DJ and kind of looked like Lt. Dangle from Reno 911, only a little pudgier); it said something like "your next performer has toured clubs and colleges all around the midwest, and was a co-founder of the Columbia College Taco Bell club, please welcome Marcus Robinson". I added the taco bell club thing because 1) it's true and 2) ever since I told John Garrison about it on my first trip (ever) out to Fairview, I've been trying to write it to stage. Plus it was a good lead-in to my college material. I had some sort of weird energy last night, and really felt like I was excited, but paced. I didn't rush, I emphasized, enunciated and connected; and I had fun. The audience seemed to like my set, I was on for about 11 minutes, and though I know of a couple mistakes I made (like I completely forgot to do any of my holiday material) I am very pleased with my set. After the show, (which started at about 8:00 and ended around 10:30) we went to a bar called the FireSide, where we had a blast. The funniest part was this morning when I didn't know where everyone's hotel room was (we didn't have phones in our rooms and none of our cell phones worked). Eventually we all met up and grabbed some fantastic breakfast at Hovie's on Main Street. The ride back was fun, and we listened to a radio show teaser that Butch was working on. I thought you could check it out here, but I think I was wrong... This was my first paid show in almost 8 months and it couldn't have gone better, I am super excited about this coming weekend's shows in Bloomington, IL.

I'm the baddest of the bad
Since you've been gone,
The baddest of the bad,
Since you've been gone.

I lay around here
And I just drink beer
The baddest of the bad,
Since you've been gone.

an email I recieved

From: [name and address removed]
Sent: Thursday, December 01, 2005 7:52 AM
To: marcus@marcusisfunny.com
Subject: fan mail for Marcus Robinson


Hi Marcus,

May I first say how much I enjoy your work, I heard a bit of your "act" and I became a fan instantly, you're hilariously funny! I downloaded the clips from your website and I was laughing for ages afterwards!

In case you were wondering where I heard about you, I followed a link from a website called "Chuckle Monkey".

I have sent you this e-mail to therefore ask if it was possible for me to have your autograph, as I collect autographs of comedians/ bands that I like, so if you could send me an autograph, I would be very grateful, thanks

I would come along to one of your live shows and ask you in person, but as I live in Britain, it's fairly unlikely that I'll get the chance.

Anyway, I just thought I would ask, and also say how much I enjoy your work, I look forward to hearing back from you, but until then take care, keep up the good work, bye for now,

[name and mailing address removed]

writing on toilet paper in pencil

Last night at the landing I was standing in the back "talking shop" with Kevin White and I think we got a couple of nasty looks because of how loud we were. We were standing between the "bar area" and the "stage area" so the people from the bar made it hard for us to hear each other, and apparently we made it hard for people to hear the comedy. Go figure. I did my holiday set again last night, skipping Thanksgiving and Easter to get into my drinking and porn material. Right now I think I need to concentrate on four or five jokes (which are mostly unrelated) and tighten them up. Then I should probably go to the vaults and salvage anything I feel is still worth while. I'd like to see if I could build as many 4 minute sets as possible, and just treat them like cd tracks or something. In anycase, my set was fun last night, I went up fourth and I felt like the crowd was really with me; Kevin said I sounded more conversational, which is awesome, because I wasn't consciously trying to sound conversational.

Don't depend on me to
Ever follow through on
Anything but
I'd go through Hell for you and

At this moment, this is me at my most masochistic

Last night I was slated to go up third at the Funny Bone. I've not been up that early at the Bone in a while; usually I'm around the middle to end of the show. It makes no difference to me, except I had some coworkers coming and I wanted them to catch my set. I took my camera last night and actually had it set up. I didn't recognize the guy who went up before me, and he seemed a little nervous. He blanked and bailed early and Arvin Mitchell went up and did some time between the other guy and me (like a good MC should) to get the crowd back to paying attention. This will probably sound bad or mean, but I love following guys who eat it. I don't know why I think I just love the challenge of getting the crowd back on my side; it's like the check-drop; it's a hard position to be in, and if you do well, that says something. Then again, I'm probably just crazy. I felt like I had a great energy (at least on the inside) last night. I was super excited to go up; and when I got on stage, my holiday jokes did well. I need to tighten up my Christmas Air Hockey joke, it needs a cleaner punch at the end, as does my 12-gauge thanksgiving joke. My Easter/Bachelor party got a great response last night, and I think it was because I accidentally delivered it wrong. Usually I say "table or stage", but last night I said "stage, they call it a table, but we know what's up" or something like that. Anyway, I like that way better. I wanted to close on my new drinking endorsements joke, but I had a little extra time left so I ended did my black-out joke (segue time!). I talked to Janine Brito after my set, and she said she liked my endorsements joke, but that it might work better with a rule of three punch instead of the 1-2 punch. I'm really excited about that joke because I've only done it twice and it seems like it works and it's already growing.

Hush, when the boss is talkin'
Lay down gats and get your weak knees walkin'
You ain't allowed to speak 'cause you've reached your peak
The elite don't get with the weak

lazy and excited

Last night at the Bistro I tried out abunch of new material, much of it on the topic of suicide. Andy Faasen was hosting and I wasn't thinking about getting ready so I didn't set up my camera (I didn't even have my tri-pod). And since I brought my camera I didn't have my DVR, which means that naturally I reworded a couple jokes "on the fly" and they worked. Thankfully I remember at least one of them, and I'll try it like that from now on. Clayton and I talked about carpooling to the show Friday, and when I got home I did a little work on the program that creates my schedule.
Yesterday at work, Tiffany called from the Springfield FunnyBone and wanted to book me next weekend in Bloomington. I also picked up a couple weekends in January, which really put me in a good mood because I haven't gotten any paid work in about 8 months and now BAM! work for Marcus. I was getting kind of discouraged, which people (ok, just Tom) said was not good because I shouldn't be expecting work or progress. He's right, too; I mean a pessimist is never disappointed. Since I picked up Bloomington next weekend I won't be able to check out the Westport show next Saturday, which means I'll have to catch John Morgan on Thursday.

Every day a new disguise
Every night a Halloween
She says keep the motor runnin' man
Like I was some machine

i guess I need a subject here...

Last night at the landing was a little hard. I went on 8th or 9th and I'd say the majority of the people before me were either trying 'new' stuff or they themselves were new. Most of the 'veterans' did well, either because of stage presence or the strength of their jokes. Anyway, I video taped my set, and Robyne Leisti (who apparently isn't dead) framed my camera for me. I did my holiday set (leaving out the Costumes V Candy again in the interest of time), did my math joke and my Donald Trump batman joke. I closed on my porn jokes. I let a little bit after my set so I missed Stevie P, Robyne and a couple of others I wanted to see, but as it was I didn't get home until late. I'm interested to see how I look on stage, as I haven't video taped a 'regular' set in quite some time.

I'm not trying to pull you,
Even though i would like to,
I think you are really fit,
You're fit but my gosh don't you know it.

I can't sleep!

It's about 10:43 pm on Tuesday, and normally I would be asleep by now, but tonight was freakin' awesome. Easily one of the best open mics I've been to in a while. Why? People did their time. During the pre-show meeting Scott Avery made it pretty clear that people needed to do their 4 minutes and no more or they wouldn't be getting back on stage very soon. Just before the show started, Keith Cissell asked if I wanted to keep time. Heck yeah I did. Keeping time was pretty funny too, because after Scott's speech, people would see the 3 minute light (signifying the comedian had about a minute left) and would maybe do another 30 seconds. Arvin Mitchell had one of the best reactions to the 'final' light, he was just starting a joke and said something like "Ahh, hell no, I ain't even gonna do that joke, they're giving me the light". My set was a lot of fun, I did almost all my Holiday material, including the new 12 Guage Thanksgiving joke, which didn't hit as well on stage as it does when I tell it in person (I guess I should be a little more conversational (I'm working on it) on stage). I also did my Women/Math joke, and changed it's leadout a bit. Tom Milster says he likes the old way I did it better, but the joke's so new, I really don't know what that way is/was. Anyway, my time on stage was 3:48 and I had to rush and cut part of my first porn joke to get off stage in time (I had my cellphone (which I was using as a stopwatch) on me). Anyway, we got out of the show around 9:30 and I made it home to watch a Tivo'd episode of the Comedians of Comedy (which Tom Milster told me about) and I have to say I love Maria Bamford, Zach Galifianakis, Brian Posehn and Patton Oswalt even more now. Something about seeing what I would call living legends discussing getting better, having problems working with the crowd, and having self-esteem issues really makes me have hope that I'm not wasting my time. I've only caught two episodes of the show, and those four already seem so much more human than I thought possible; I'd probably sell my soul to be able to meet them (but only if I would be guaranteed I wouldn't sound like some annoying fanboy). Anyway, you should check out the show, there's some info about the show on Comedy Central's website.

And if time's elimination
Then we got nothin' to lose
Please repeat the message
It's the music that we choose (Oh Yeah)

Love that Joker

Last night my roommate and I had to run to Home Depot to get some PVC pipe so we could fix a sink that wasn't draining. We got done around 9-ish and I really didn't feel like heading over to the Bistro. I went over anyway, because the Funny Bone list wasn't published, and I wanted to make sure I got on a couple times this week. It was the usual four, Billy Davis, Clayton Champagne , myself and Stevie P. Clayton asked me to host and because of last week's hosting fiasco, I politely declined. He asked Stevie who didn't want it, so he asked me again and I agreed. I did all my Holiday jokes, even my old Easter/Bachelor party which I haven't pulled out in a while. I also did my Ferrari joke and worded it differently. Of course I didn't record my set because I didn't have room on my DVR. Anyway, I don't remember when we started, but we got done around 11:30 bar-time, so it wasn't that bad for the four of us. I should really try to setup my entire "catalog" of jokes and see if i can get them all out at the Bistro sometime just to see how much time I have, but since the crowd is pretty regular, it was nice to have some jokes I know they hadn't heard. I had more fun hosting last night that I did last week.
And after the show Vinnie and I had a garage sale to fund his going to film school. He actually tried to sell my dad his own golf clubs back. How crazy...

When you had to go I hated the thought,
I always wish the night was twice as long

1225 ft/sec

Today I received a phone call from my brother, Darin. We were planning driving to my brother Jason's for Thanksgiving tomorrow. He said "Hey bro, I need you to pick something up for tomorrow".
So I respond, "Ok, sure man. What do you need me to pick up?"
And his response took me a little off guard, "12 gauge shot gun shells."
I was thinking more like cranberries, but ok. "Ok, I'll head over to Bass Pro after work," But then something popped into my head, "Hey Darin, we already have the turkey for tomorrow, right?"

I'll pack my bags I swear I'll run, wish my friends were twenty-one

Idiosyncratic Routine

Last night the Funny Bone was unbelievably packed. Every (ok, both) Thanksgiving in St Louis is like that. There were a bunch of pros there, Jeremy Essig, Andi Smith, Arvin Mitchell, Mike MacRae and Greg Warren and some newbies, most recognizable was the little boy stripper that I had to follow back in September. Anyway, I was half-told / half-assumed there wouldn't be any room inside the show room for non-performing open micers (besides, I don't like sitting in packed audiences like that), so I decided to split with Janine Brito and do this open mic that Clayton Champagne had told me about at a lesbian bar called Novak's. We got there around 9, and it took a while (like until 10) to talk to the girl running the show. We signed up and around 11 (maybe?) Janine and I got to go on. The girl, Michelle, called Janine "Janette" when she puller her on stage, not that it mattered because no one in the entire bar really could hear us (or cared to). Janine's and my sets went as well as they could have in a situation like that; but the most exciting part about it all is that I finally found how I wanted to word my bestiality joke in order to combine it will my other porn jokes. It was funny at the time because it popped in my head and I went "Ahhhh" like I was all enlightened or something. Janine recognized the look and immediatly said "Write it down!", which I did.

The newspapers shout a new style is growing,
but it don't know if it's coming or going,

Eating it blue

Last night we had a huge crowd at the Main Street Bistro; we had at least 30 or 40 people most of whom were were really hot girls. Clayton let me MC, which was a blessing a curse. The crowd wasn't really interested in me, but we only have five comedians so I had to go kind of long. I wanted to be more conversation, but I ended up working very blue. *sigh*. Stevie P, Arash Rouhani and Gabe Kea were there and went up in that order. Clayton closed the show and I went home to sleep. Last night was one of the hardest nights I ever had. And in a way I'm thankful, and in another way would rather die that go through that again.

George Clinton, Lil Louis, Ashley Beatto, Neil Landstruum
Kenny Dope, DJ Hell, Louie Vega, Carol Lexi
Dr. Dre's in the house yeah, Omega in the house
Kevin Edmonds in the house, Jeff Mills is in the house

What was Comedy Central thinking?

Last night at LL, Kevin White asked me if I still use cheat sheets when I go on stage. That's a good question, Kevin. Last night I DID use a cheat sheet, because I had about 8 or 9 new things I wanted to try. However, two of them all but required using older jokes to get onto the topic so I didn't get around to all of them. I did a new bit comapring me-talking-to-women to doing-math-problems, and a bit about how I wish Donald Trump was Batman and lastly a bit of newness on my car. I think everything has potential, which feels really good because a couple extra minutes would rock. At the beginning of my set, Kevin yelled from the back of the room that I read something out of my blog, to which I said I wouldn't, because the audience would have to visit my website (and I plugged the website) to read my blog.
Anyway, back to the cheat sheets; Most nights I do not use a cheat sheet. However, I always have one ready just in case I blank (consider it my little security blanket, if you will). I always prepare one because creating one helps solidify what I want to do. It's like taking notes in school, if you read something and take notes, you're more likely to remember it. Some comics don't use them, which is cool, some think they're a crutch, but some think Crank Yankers is funny, so obviously opinions vary. I look at it like this; I've seen professionals tape sets to the floor so that they stay in order and on time. Todd Glass even showed his cheat sheet to the audience on his Comedy Central half-hour special.

So you see, Kevin, cheat sheets [are/are not] [good/bad] and you [will/will not] [succeed/fail] in [comedy/ice cream] if you [use/triangulate] them.

Hey kids, that's all the time I have to blog today; keep those letters, emails and questions coming and tune in next week, when I'll make even less sense.

Dog eat dog, Every day,
On our fellow man we prey
Dog eat dog, To get by,
Hope you like my genocide

If you want to live, come with me...

My usual writing posse had plans last night, so I decided to show up at Starbucks and write by myself. Being a horribly undisciplined writer, I didn't get much done. I wasn't on the list, and the coworkers I invited didn't show up, and the list had 17 people on it. I tried sitting in "my" seat in the bull pen and working on a new parady kind of song, but I couldn't concentrate. I ended up splitting out early (which I don't like doing) and trying some work on my website. Since the Internet was down (again) at my place, I wasn't able to make any major changes.

I'm walking down the line the that divides me somewhere in my mind,
on the borderline of the edge and where I walk alone.

single serving monday

Bill Davis had already left, and I was putting on my coat and grabbing my stuff when about 5 people walked into the Bristo and apathetically demanded a show. Clayton let Jeff Wesselschmidt MC, and I went up next. About 6 or so minutes in, I started my TETRIS setup. I mentioned Sam's Club, and one of the audience members says he used to work at Sams. Thank you, God. "What did you do?" I asked. "Carts and cashiered". Praise Allah. As I said that cashiering was like playing Tetris, the guy alost doubled over, and as I ran through my list of in-bulk items; the guy was laughing and seemingly checking stuff off in his head. His entire table (and therefore the entire audience) was laughing, I think if I would have started with that joke, I would have had them for my entire set. I left shortly after that, as it was late, and sadly I missed Kyle's, And Faasen's and Clayton's sets.

If I were God thou shall not worship false Billy Idols,
And thou shall add the Book Of Flavor Flav to the Bible.

yeah, I can't pronounce it either

Friday night I went to the Funny Bone to catch a couple shows. Kevin Patterson was MCing for Andi Smith and Danny Bevins. I saw both of Danny's sets, which were not only funny, but chocked full of messages, political, religious and such. I got a chance to talk to Danny for a couple minutes and he pointed me towards a writing book, by Lajos Egri. Danny also gave me some very decent advice (and this is another time where I wish I could have recorded a conversation with a pro because I probably forgot most of it two minutes after we were done talking). Probably one of the most useful pieces he gave was "always have an out". When telling a joke that the audience might not agree with, put it on someone else, like a relative or a friend. That way it's not YOU who feels such and such a way about something, it's someone you know. And you're just the messenger. I read something like that in one of the books I have, but it was directed towards premises more. The example was like this. If you say you got abducted by aliens, the audience might not relate with you. If you say you dreamed about being abducted by aliens, that's more believeable. If you say you have a friend or relative and they're so crazy they believe they were abducted by aliens, now you get your premises, a character, and if the crowd doesn't like it, you can shift the blame to someone who's not there (and possibly doesn't exist).

I got a gal, she lives on the hill,
She won't do it, but her sister will

come together right now...

I'm at work right now, which is to say I am surfing the internet. I just got done reading, Dwayne Ingram's blog, and I looked at Ken JR's blog, Jeremy Essig's notes and Greg Warren's journal. Not satisfied with having read enough by comedians, I googled "Comedian Blog" and got an overwhelming list of results. But rather than individual blogs, I mainly saw "rings" and groups of comedians who banded together, promoting each others' comedy, blogs and websites. I think that's a pretty good idea. The broadcast project Andi Smith is doing will definately help us get noticed; but I think it would be cool to spread the love once someone gets noticed.
If anyone's interested, I'd like to form a St. Louis comedians web-ring. All St. Louis (and the surrounding metro area) comedians with a website are welcome; all I ask is that you display a banner (I'll have one designed if people show interest) that links to a page that lists all the comedians (maybe with a pic and bio) in the ring and their sites. I'll maintain the page, and if we get enough people in, I'll do a randomly-selected featured comedian of the week or something. Obviously I just came up with this on the spot, so there might be some flaws in my plan, so if anyone has any suggestions, I'd like to hear them.

If anything comes between you and me,
in Heavy Metal Heaven that's where we'll meet

Physical and Mental

Yesterday afternoon I did laundry at Duds N' Suds on the corner of McKelvey and Dorsett. During the washing process, I decided to go for a jog. I ran along McKelvey towards Marine-I ran up some hills, I ran down some hills. I ran up some more hills and eventually hung a left on Marine and headed toward Westport. I got to Progress Parkway and turned around and did it all again. See, I ran Tuesday afternoon, and felt that I was really relaxed on stage. I'm wondering if the running helped relax my body (and through extension, my mind). I was more conversational on stage Tuesday and last night, I felt like I was even more so. I did about 8 and a half minutes, and felt like my presentation was good. I think that being energized from a decent workout got some sort of endorphins triggering a more relaxed me. Then again, maybe I was just dog-tired...
I also got a request last night. Some guy who plays piano at the Big Bang (a piano bar next to Laughs) said he liked my Tetris bit. He said I should do more parady-type jokes to songs. I told him about my Fraggle-Rock joke, and he said he wanted to hear it because they play that on the piano. Anyway, my set seemed good (to me, at least). I stuck around for a couple comics after the intermission, but had to head home as I was really tired and it was really late.

Birds fall from the window ledge above mine,
then they flap their wings at the last second.

a positive negative

Last night I really wasn't sure how the open mic at the Funny Bone was going to go. I've been told repeatedly that I need to relax and be more conversational on stage; and sound less like I'm telling jokes. I was scheduled 11th to go up; and while I was waiting "on deck", Dano came up to me and said that I was getting the check-drop¹. I said I liked a challenge. Dano went up, did one or two jokes and brought me up. I did both of my 'pay attention to me' jokes, the first, my make a wish, hit alright. The second, which I'm trying to tighten up did ok. I think I need to review some audio from last month so I can figure out exactly how I did at Laughs. Anyway. My set went alright, I did my Halloween joke, Ferrari, Sports and sex (which I finally did how I've been wanting to), and closed with my two porn jokes. I just now realized I forgot to work with my zoo/bestiality joke. I kind of want to pull that from one bit and put it in another. I'll loose some overall time doing that, but I think I could really turn up the power of my porn jokes.
After the show, Gabriel Kea came up to me and said I was no longer a clean comic. I said "Huh?" And he said my set was on the internet now, he was referring to the taping which Andi Smith and some guy are putting up on an open mic broadcasting website called Rooftop Comedy. I told Gabe he was wrong because 1) my porn jokes are done in a clean/semi-clean manner, and B) I'm sure I've posted those jokes online on my media page. After that, Dano complimented me and said I did pretty well for a check drop. He also said my porn jokes were good, they just needed a little tightening up. I told him how I wanted to do more dirty material in a clean way and see what I can get away with. He said that doing that would be like a double negative. As for my tone on stage, it was better, I asked a couple of comics if I seemed more conversational, but apparently it wasn't a HUGE, noticeable change because I had to ask is I seemed more conversational. Baby steps. Anyway I feel like I made progress last night and I wasn't expecting too. It feels nice.


My name plate medallion, says 'Never Trust a Hal 9000'

1. Check drop: The point in a show when the waitstaff brings the audience their bill. Generally, the audience is too busy concentrating on dividing up and paying the tab to pay much attention.

keep it down

Bad news; if you like crapily drawn pictures of me... I was emailled today by my server administrator, who feels the submissions for my most recent contest violate the rules I agreed to when I signed up for hosting through their company.
Here's an excerpt from his email, "...pictures containing nudidty, vulgarity, and otherwise inappropriate material are in direct violation with [company name removed] policy. We always have been and will continue to be afterall a professional, family driven webserver." I recieved the notice Monday at work, but do not have internet access at home (thanks, Charter) and I do not have site access at work. Thankfully, they were cooperative and did subject me to another lengthy email.
Oh well, again, for all those who submitted entries, Thanks. I'll try to come up with another contest...

He's got style, a groovy smile, and a bod that just won't stop,
when the going gets rough he's super tough
with a Hong King Phooey chop, Rah!

Cannon Vs Car: 2 to 1

I was playing Monopoly with a coworker Thursday night, "Comedy Central presents Russ Meneve" came on. Having not seen the special before, I watched it. Much to my dismay, one of the first bits Russ did was almost identical to one I've been doing for about a year, the one where I talk about getting dumped via email. I've been doing the joke since I got dumped via email. Russ's joke was extremely similar to mine, though in his, he dumps his girlfriend through email. He even uses the line "I don't what pissed her off more, the fact I did it through email, or the fact that I CC'd my new girlfriend on it". I got to talk to Jimmy Rice and Chad Huff about it Saturday at the Funny Bone. Jimmy's opinion on the matter was, if someone used it on TV, you should probably drop the bit. Chad was of the mindset that there's nothing new under the sun, and if I wrote the joke (and I did) then it's my joke. I kind of like his advice better... And since I'm not at the point where I can affordto be throwing away jokes, especially ones that work. Besides, had I not been watching TV Thursday night, I wouldn't have seen the special, and I wouldn't be blogging this right now.

Don't don't don't don't stop the beat
Can't can't can't can't Control my feet
Pe pe pe people in the Street
Come everybody and move your feet

here, in means out

There is no perfect recipe to produce a perfect performance. Comedy is not a science, and so I find myself riding this weird roller coaster dipping in and out of slumps and generally not progressing the way I would hope I am able. I'm not sure what I need to do to make myself seem more 'natural' or conversational on stage; but I'm sure that needs to happen. There's something I can't control in my presentation that I need to change. I'm toying with the idea of trying out and studying some improv at LL, in order to work on a different skill set (as they would say in professional sports). Anyway, last night at LL, the show was fun, I actually stuck around until the end. We only had about 8 or 9 comics, with an intermission thrown in the middle; at first I figured that might shake up the crowd or give people an excuse to leave, but it didn't seem to 'ruin' anything. I'm not all that pleased with my performance, I wanted to try some brand new jokes and work on the most recent batch (ie porn, internet friend) but I kept looking at my cheat sheet. I did some dating stuff and threw in Tetris because I got a cool Tetris shirt in the mail yesterday from Game Skins. I wish I would have recorded the advice that Mike Birgiglia and John Morgan had given me, looking back that stuff seems invaluable.

If life were picture perfect you could frame it,
but the world is a diaper so let someone else change it

now don't get upset...

I didn't want to pull a Paris Hilton and alarm you all, but I found my DVR today at work in the pocket of my winter coat. It's been there at least since Friday, probably Thursday. Just so you know, we can breathe a collective sigh of relieve. I haven't had a chance to check if the tracks are all ok, I'll be sure to keep you posted.

She thinks it's cool to wear eyelashes of dead foxes,
she thinks it hides the pounds

contains 10% actual juice

Last night at the Funny bone I counted twenty two people in the meeting. And I'd never seen 30% of them before. I didn't get a chance to ask, but I think a group of them road-tripped in from somewhere else, like Canada or something. Some of them were pretty funny. Before the show I ran into Arvin Mitchell and invited him to write with with myself and Janine Brito at the Starbucks.
Anyway I posted the entries thus far to my costume contest, you can check them out here. Just fair warning, none of the pictures are suitable for children, or Christians for that matter. What can I say, I have some sick friends.

Even old New York was once New Amsterdam,
Why they changed it I can't say,
People just liked it better that way

like a mummy

OK, just a couple things to wrap up, the costume contest is now officially over. I received a total of three (3) submissions. I'll rank them and post them when I get home from work. Thanks to Jarad, Anthony and Scott for playing along. I'll also post a picture of my costume from this year.
Last night I rolled by the Bistro, but the lights weren't on, so I figured they weren't having a show so I returned home to put together some of the new furniture I got. It's a short blog, I know, but I'm totally distracted by the left over bag of Reesesticks from last night. Crispy Wafers, Peanut Butter, Milk Chocolate. Enough said.

I slang on that double 9-9, Gotta find them dubs
Gonna get a forty, can a thug get love?

Now Here in Nowhere

I would have typed this blog Friday at work, but apparently I had some major projects to finish by the end of the day. Work is seriously starting to get in the way of comedy, don't they know I have responsibilities? Geez!
At the Forum, Tom Milster told me of a show that Mark Lacer was doing Thursday, and said that if he was feeling under the weather he would need someone perform for him. I gladly accepted and wrote down the name, address and phone number of the place, Captain Jack's Tiki Bar. I called and asked for directions, and some bartender (Mike, I think) gave me the absolute worst directions I've ever heard, which included the phrase "there's no sign, but you need to turn left there". When I got home, I jumped on Google and followed street by street his directions and wound up somewhere over in East Jesus. Anyway, I missed the show, which is disappointing because I wanted stage time and I feel bad for any problems I may have caused by my absence, I don't know how long of a show Lacer said he would deliver...
Anyway, I did wind up home safe and somehow a McDonald's Big N Tasty and two orders of fries found their way into my stomach. MMmmm.

The night is beckoning although I have nowhere to go but home

Para mis amigos y amigas

I heard a story about Abraham Lincoln once, he was in a type of debat and his opponent talked for what was probably hours. When it was Lincoln's turn, he used only a minute to say something to the effect of "You're tired and hungry, go home, have a good day and when the election comes, think of me". I'm probably ruining the speech, but I think Lincoln knew he would be wasting his efforts on an audience that had heard enough.
I was at least 15th in line at the Forum last night and didn't end up getting on stage til 10:30 or later, and after seeing 1 huge bare stomach, two enormous butt cheeks (belonging to the owner of the stomach) and half a dozen guys eat it, I wasn't too thrilled of trying my prepared material and watching it fail. Sometimes most times I love a challenge like that, and in the past, the forum has seen some of my best work (I used to love following someone who died before me). But last night I was tired and I knew I had to wake up and go to work an hour early today, so I pulled a Lincoln. I got up, did one joke, got no laughs, and I left. It took about 62 seconds, with Clayton Champagne's intro. I have to admit, my wording was a little off, and I was probably a little nervous; I didn't want to seem like I was insulting the Forum, but I wanted to do a little performance art, if you will.
Anyway, as I was leaving, the owner, Matt, saw me and seemed kind of excited that I was back at the Forum. I explained that I had written new jokes and was hoping to do better now that the audience had gotten fresher. It was kind of weird because I have a hard time reading people, especially owners, managers and bookers. Anyway, there's another show in 2 weeks and then the competition (which I already gave my entry fee for) which will be limited to 25 comics. That'll be the day before Thanksgiving; hopefully I can scrounge up some people to come watch me. *wink* *wink*
I've been drifting along in the same stale shoes
Loose ends tying the noose in the back of my mind

Oí una historia sobre Abraham Lincoln una vez, él estaba en un tipo de debat y su opositor habló para cuál era probablemente horas. Cuando era vuelta de Lincoln, él utilizó solamente un minuto para decir que va algo al efecto de "usted tiene cansado y hambre, a casa, tiene un buen día y cuando viene la elección, piense en mí". Estoy arruinando probablemente el discurso, pero pienso Lincolm sabía que él estaría perdiendo sus esfuerzos en una audiencia que había oído bastantes.
Era por lo menos décimo quinto en línea en el Foro ayer por la noche y no terminé encima de conseguir en etapa hasta 10:30 o más adelante, y después de ver 1 estómago pelado enorme, dos mejillas enormes del extremo (que pertenecen al dueño del estómago) y la mitad de los individuos a la docena lo comen, me no emocionaron también de intentar mi material preparada y de mirarlo fallar. La mayoría de las veces I ama a veces un challange como eso, y en el pasado, el Foro ha visto algo de mi mejor trabajo (amaba el seguir alguien que murió antes de mí). Pero ayer por la noche era cansado y sabía que tuve que despertar e ir a trabajar hoy temprano de la hora, así que tiré de una Lincoln. Me levanté, hice una broma, no conseguida ninguna risa, y me a la izquierda. Tomó cerca de 62 segundos, con la introducción de Clayton Champán. Tengo que admitir, mi fraseología era poco apagado, y era probablemente un poco nervioso; No deseé parecerme como insultaba el Foro, pero deseé hacer un pequeño arte del funcionamiento, si usted . De todas formas, como me iba, el dueño, Matt, me vio y se parecía clase de excitado que estaba detrás en el Foro. Expliqué que había escrito nuevas bromas y esperaba hacer mejor ahora que las audiencias habían conseguido más frescas. Era clase de extraño porque tengo una gente dura de la lectura del tiempo, especialmente dueños, encargados y bookers. De todas formas, hay otra demostración en 2 semanas y entonces la competición (para las cuales di ya mi honorario de la entrada) que será limitado a 25 tebeos. Ése será el día antes de Thanksgiving; esperanzadamente scrounge de la lata encima alguna gente a venir me miro * guiña * * guiño *
Viajo sin rumbo fijo en mis botas viejas.
Cabos sueltos enlazan a mi cabeza.

ups and downs

Last night was amateur night at the Funny Bone. :)
but I was not on the list. :(
Two guys who were on the list didn't show up. :)
but I still was not on the list. :(

I got out of work late, so I had to skip dinner. :(
but on the way home I got a $1 Big N' Tasty and 2 orders of Fries. :)
Before the show, Scott told me to keep time until he got to the back. :)
but Kevin Patterson showed up, so they didn't need me. :(
Kevin said he didn't mind if I sat back there anyway. :)

Tim Heeley has an "outie". :&

Your construction, Smells of corruption, I manipulate to recreate,
This air to ground saga, Gotta launder my karma

Don't get me wrong, I appreciated the effort

Monday at the Bistro, we didn't have much of an audience, but Clayon asked asked if we (Andy Faasen, Jeff Wesselschmidt, myself and a guy named Duke) if we wanted a show. We did. While Clayton was up, about 8 people walked in, which brought us up to about 12 audience members. Some of them didn't pay attention, but a couple did, including one guy who was so wasted he was laughing at setups and premises; it was weird.
Me: Halloween is my favorite holiday
guy: Bwahahahahaha!
Me: As a kid, candy was the best part
guy: woo who who who!
Anyway, I did about 8 minutes, including a bunch of the newer stuff I've been working on, and some random stuff that either tied in (holiday stuff) or just popped in my head. I watched Faasen's set and part of Jeff's but then I had to go home and get my beauty sleep. Ahem.

We play the game for keeps and if you slipped I guess you sleep

playing it safe

I went to the Bloodhound Gang concert, I got lost on the way to Laughs on the Landing because the Broadway exit was closed. I went to the show. I went home.

the sincerest form of flattery

Last night at the Funny Bone I tried a culmination of almost all the new jokes I've written in the past three months; I did Halloween, Tease, Ferrari/Carolla, Internet Friend, Porn1 and closed on Porn2 (I'm putting those there for my benefit, incase you don't know what they mean). I went up about 11th, which is the latest I've been up in quite some time, and I am very happy because I didn't have to use the cheat sheet I took up on stage. However, I did go over time a bit, (4:25 according to the DVR) which I don't think has happened in a while. I tried the new porno joke (called Porn2 above) which I actually posted yesterday. I think I rushed it because I knew I was going over; I really like it, and since it's not graphic, I think I can get away with it and still be considered a clean (PG13) comic. I realize pornography is not exactly a "clean" subject, but I like seeing what I can get away with, and I've already got clean porn, bestiality and cock-fighting jokes. I would really like to be a dirtier "clean" comic and try to push the envelope, but at this stage of the game, I'm not sure if anyone would realistically notice. After me was a guy from New York who said I looked like the Yellow Guy from Sin City. He wasn't the first to say that; which is kind of depressing. Other comics have said I look like Gollum from Lord of the Rings. I just can't get a break, I guess... being compared to two of the ugliest movie characters since that guy, Vigo, from Ghost Busters II.
A note off topic for a sec, I mentioned the other day how I read Essig and Warren's blogs; I was on Andi Smith's website and reading her short stories, which she describes as bits that never made it on stage, which is where I got the gumption to try blogging the porn joke below. I really wish I would write text funny, where the words of a joke or story are chosen so well that you the humor isn't lost. Maybe adding a bits every once in a while will help with that. That's the same reason I started the Bucket of Fishcomic, to try to learn how to write in a three-cell format. We'll see how I do.

And if words were wisdom I'd be talking Even more

my weekend

This weekend I went to a bachelor party in Columbia, MO. Before the "festivities" (it's in quotes for a reason) a couple of us stopped at the Olde Un Theatre, a pillar of the Columbia porn industry. While there, I realized that porn is honest and Hollywood is dishonest. Look at the names of Hollywood movies. The titles don't tell you anything. But in porn, it's completely different. I know exactly what I'm in for when I (hypothetically) rent Black Girls Who Ride the White Meat.

The elves snuck in my cobbler's shop and busted me some treats
But the boots they left is not the kind that you puts on your feets

Oh-a-oh

I spent last night watching Tivo'd episodes of Inu Yasha and editing video from the trip to Bloomington. I uploaded my set, you can get to it through here or you can go directly to it from here. I also got Janine's video finished and output it to a VHS tape. I'm 90% of the way done editing Ken JR's, I just have to "process" it or "compile" it, or whatever my video software calls it.

Lying awake intent at tuning in on you

negatives and no proof

Friday I emailed Tiffany Las at the Springfield Funny Bone about their monthly competition. She said that no one had yet signed up, and so there was room. I asked around the Funny Bone, and Janine and Tom were interested. On Wednesday, Janine called me and said she was sick and wouldn't be making the trip. So I got on 270 and drove into Illinois looking for Troy, IL to meet Tom Milster and Stevie P at the Cracker Barrell, like I did last time with John and Jammer. (I didn't realize it until about 8pm, but last time I drove in, I tool I-70 because we picked Jammer up at the Airport.) Because I get lost easily, when I got on 55 in Illinois, I headed north, thinking Troy would be about 10 to 15 miles away. About an hour later, I had left a couple messages on Tom's cell, and called a couple other comedians looking for Stevie's cell number. No dice. Anyway, around mile marker 60, I realized; if I call 411, ask for the Cracker Barrell in Troy, IL I can ask what exit they're on. (So I did that). I think I will remember for the rest of my life, that the Cracker Barrell in Troy, IL is on exit 18. When I arrived at the Funny Bone (alone) I checked in with Tiff and explained the situation. Moments later Tom called and I told him what had happened. I said I was the only comic there (eventually, CW, who was at Westport the night before, and a guy named Tim, who has been at previous Springfield shows, showed up) and Tom congratulated me on winning. Tim decided he didn't want to go on, so Tiff refunded CW's and my entrance fees. Both Don Sr. and Junior were there; and Don said we could still do some time. Since Don had seen me Thursday, I didn't want to repeat myself, so I did the new jokes I did last night and some dating material. I didn't record myself because my DVR is full. And so naturally I worded a joke differently (and I liked it) and can't remember what I did. CW did some time, but Tim was busy talking to me, so I didn't have a chance to pay much attention. Well, by 7:40, I was back on the road heading to LL back in St. Louis. I got there and they told us we were going to wait for Craig Gass who was at Westport the night before. The show started after the Cardinals game ended, and Adam was hosting as Ken JR had previous engagements. Gabe Kea, Kevin White and I talked shop for a bit, I really don't remember what about, I can't say I was paying attention. I do remember giving the "but that's only my opinion" disclaimer at least once. When the show, a very inebriated Adam did some time and pulled me up first, and I have to say, I did rather well, considering the crowd size. I mean, we actually had about 10 to 15 non-comics, and I did 2 of the 3 new jokes I'm working on, and a bunch of other crap. Again, I couldn't record, which is unfortunate because I pulled out a throw-away/get-the-audience-to-respond-more line that I've been working on. I also did my dumped-by-faking-her-death story; which I did once or twice before. I really like that bit, in my mind it's all zany and weird. Sadly, on "My Name is Earl" Tuesday (I Tivo'd it), the entire episode was about how Earl broke up with a girl by faking his own death, and then he had to admit to her he was alive. I hate it when that happens. Anyway, I stuck around to the end of the show and got home around midnight.

You drive your car to work, I'll take my board

three for three

Since it's October, I figured I should get off my bum and try out my Halloween joke. I actually worked on it in the workshop back in July and August and have never tried it on stage. I was kind of afraid of how the whole joke would play out; but I found a couple sentences that really do what I want. I mean I can provide the setup information with as little verbiage as possible and still move to the next sentence without an abrupt change in my train of thought. Also, part of the joke relies on an act out (not my specialty) so I was worried about how that would look. Other than my make-a-wish that was my first joke last night, and it worked pretty well. I also tried two new bits out last night, one about my first trip to a gay bar, and the other a joke about me and the ladies. The first joke is alright, I'm happy with it, and it's got a decent little turn, I feel. The second probably won't work as a stand-alone joke. If I sandwich it in with all my other dating material, it'll probably hit better with the audience. I did end up doing some of it ([Email], [Sports and Sex], [Lotto Tickets]), but I led off with the new thing, which probably wasn't a good idea. That's alright, though, because I tried three new bits last night, and all of them made it to the second round. None of them sucked so bad I wanted to never do them again, and really that's a pretty good feeling.

I don't understand how a heart is a spade,
but somehow the vital connection is made

11:03am
Oh yeah... there were two things I wanted to mention that I forgot. The first is that during my Halloween act out, I know I spit on these girls who were in the front row. It wasn't a huge amount of saliva, but I saw it leave my mouth and I noticed the general direction it was heading in, and there could have only been one result...
The other is this; After the show, I was talking to a comedian and he said liked my new material and then said "I can see you doing this". I asked if he meant he could see my bits actually happening to me in real life, and he said no, actually doing comedy, professionally. I was floored. There are only a handful of people who have vocally said they believe in me and think I'll make it, and it was really cool to hear someone new say it.

/\/0 5|n|0\/\/

From what my sources tell me, last night there wasn't a show at the Bistro. There was supposed to be one, but a key ingredient (ie the audience) was missing. Clayton, myself, Bill Davis and Jeff Wesselschmidt (sound it out) were more than ready to provide a show for an audience, but like in math where you can't divide by 0, you can't perform for no one and have it work. This Wednesday is the Springfield show, and according to Tiffany, they don't have anyone signed up yet. Janine, Tom and I will be road tripping up, so it might be a waste of time, or it might show the Springfield people what kind of dedication (and lack of anything better to do) we have. Anyway, I'm on tonight at the Bone, and I'm hoping to break out a couple new jokes, even though they're probably not really ready.

More Than Ever Hour After Our Work is Never Over

Sleepin' on the Flo'

Thursday, Janine Brito, Ken JR. and I drove up to Bloomington, IL for their college night. Janine and Ken have done College night before and spoke very highly of it. The way it works is; the club has three to four 'openers' who do 5 to 6 minutes each. Then they have the headliner perform. Don Bassmore, the owner, serves as an MC and does some announcements and joke-jokes between the comedians. Don didn't do much in the way of joke-jokes before I went up, but mainly announced some drink specials, so I went up in front of a "cold" audience. Instead of opening with my standard [Make a Wish], I asked where the seniors were at. I started with my college material (which I did Tuesday) and went into my work/getting fired stuff. The audience was very cool, and I got some very decent laughs. What makes me the most proud is, as nervous and excited as I was on stage, I didn’t rush. And I knew at the time I wasn't. I got off stage feeling like a million dollars. Janine and Ken both had good sets (Janine asked me to bring up my video camera and tape her, so I taped myself, and Ken asked me tape him as well). I'll try to put my video up soon, as I haven't taped in a while... Anyway, after the show, we headed over to a bar called Flap Jacks or Flat Jacks, or something. It was cool, and afterwards, we got some college kids to let us crash in their living room; Janine and Ken got a loveseat and couch (respectively) and I got the floor. Needless to say, I slept like crap. But we got McDonald's breakfast the next morning, and drove home. It was an awesome road trip and I ended up taking a four hour nap Friday afternoon, which if you ask me is a pretty good way to start a weekend.

The kids fit their lids when their heads hear that crazy sound

Technical Difficulties

Last night, I returned to the Comedy Forum for the first time in about six months. I'll admit I was a little nervous; I really wanted to do well with the material I've written since I last performed there. I liken it to a class reunion, where you want to show everyone how well your doing despite their not-liking-you. I don't mean to paint that kind of picture, I've never felt unpopular at the Forum, I'm just trying to create a metaphor. Anyway, the show started around 8:15/8:20 or so, and I got on after 10:00pm. But not before the guy before me accidentally broke the mic stand. I can't blame him for it, because his replacing the mic in the stand was probably just the last straw, you know? Anyway it took a couple of minutes to get a replacement out, but as soon as it was ready, I was called on stage. My set wasn't as good as I had hoped, and I could easily blame the mic stand or the time of the night or the alignment of the stars or anything. I could blame that stuff, but the simple fact of the matter is; I went too fast. Rob Durham told me that, and for some reason it sank in. Tom Milster's been telling me that for weeks, maybe months. I may have mentioned it before, but I like the way Greg Warren goes up with a no-nonsense kind of attitude. He talks, sometimes with a voice that could issue army commands. But he doesn't rush. That's what I want. Even though some of his jokes are silly, he starts off with a presence that makes you pay attention. It doesn't make you want to pay attention, it just makes you DO it. I'm hoping I can keep that in mind tonight when Janine, Ken and I are in Bloomington. If college night is as cool as I've heard, this should be a ton of fun, and hopefully an easy set.

Live, and let live. The aim of the game is to feel real good.

King for a Day

I just realized that the majority of my blogs seem to start out with the phrase "Last night". So...Yesterday evening, I was sixth on the list at the Funny Bone. Scott Avery all-but-demanded I drop an "F-bomb" on stage, which I did during my opening "make a wish" line. I don't think I cussed anywhere else in the set; I got it on audio, so I'll have to review it. In preparation of the Bloomington trip, Janine Brito, Ken Jr. and I are taking Thursday, I dusted off my old college material. I've been trying to write a bit more, as I really like college audiences, but now doesn't seem the time to try new stuff. My college material flows easily into my jobs-I-had-or-have material. The crowd, though small, was pretty decent and I felt I had a really good set. I got off stage (probably) with a big crap-eating grin. I can't tell why last night I was comfortable, and in previous weeks I've been struggling. I'm wondering if having a goal (getting prepped for the Bloomington Trip) gets me excited and so I'm more thrilled to be on stage. In either way, if I can do well tonight, I'll consider my "slump" "busted". I'm going to switch it up tonight and head over to the Comedy Forum. I'm hoping I can show them how much I've improved since I last performed there.

Just wait 'til all the guys get a load of me

don't be a menace

Last night I got hung up at my condo talking to my temporary roommates, and so I didn't get to the Main St. Bistro until about 9:10ish. Clayton Champagne, Bill Davis and some others playing darts were there. We didn't have anyone there to see a show, so we were about to call it quits (and I was going to go home and Nyquil it up (still not over this cold)) when about 5 people showed up. 3 females, 2 guys. So we had a show. One of the females was already a little drunk, or she was just a loud-mouth, either way she talked through Clayton's set (and she would continue to talk through mine). Also, at one point, and I'm not sure how we got there, she let the n-word fly. You know the one I'm talking about. So when I got on stage, eventually I try out my, the n-word makes me uncomfortable bit. It's probably the most message-ridden bit I have; sadly it lacks a punch at the end. I'm really envious of John Roy, he's got some great anti-racism jokes. Anyway, one of Clayton's friends, Jim, asked to hear the Tetris joke, which the "crowd" actually paid attention to. I think I closed on that. I stuck around to watch some of Jim Stout's set, but had to get home and hit the sack, I didn't get to bed until about 11:30. Before the show started, I told Jim I was going to check out the Forum again soon, and he told me that their next show was on the 5^th. I might go check that out.

searching...

Last night at the Landing I had pretty much no fun at all. I was super excited to get on stage in front of an all comedian crowd, but when I actually got up and started working through the premises I had (I wasn't doing my regular stuff, really I wasn't doing anything I'd really worked on with an actual effort). Anyway, I got off stage feeling crappy. I sincerely believe it's never the crowd, or often it's not the crowd, and other guys last night got laughs, so if the crowd's not my problem, that leaves one thing. My shirt. Or me. Whichever.
I've known a couple of comedians who said that they had (had) to make it doing comedy because they didn't have anything else to be successful at. It's like they're in it for the money and the fame, or at least the money. But looking at myself, I don't see my intentions being much better. At a family reunion recently, relatives asked if I was still doing comedy. I don't know if I could ever look one of them in the eye and say "No, it was too hard" or something like that. So am I still in it because of my pride? Is that it? I mean I love making people happy, and my favorite way to do that is to make people laugh. But lately, I haven't been succeeding very well on stage. So I'm not doing it because it's fun or because it makes me happy, am I? Chad Huff told me once not to treat comedy like it's a job, and I don't think I am. But I think I am treating it like an obligation and I'm just not letting myself enjoy my stage time. I have some theories and ideas of what I could do, like take a break from comedy, or start drinking again, but I really don't think either of those things is going to help. Plus, neither sounds very appealing. I really don't think I can finish my thoughts on this subject in just one blogging, especially since I'm at work and supposed to be testing some weird queue software...
Also, I realize that this isn't the best blog for my "loyal readers" as far as interest goes, but Jeremy Essig's Notes isn't always about Comedy, but it's still cool to read. Likewise, Greg Warren's Journal seems like Greg talking about his problems (problems with Shoe stores, Mayonnaise and Starbucks, yes, but problems nonetheless). What I'm getting at is in 6 months, I'll be bored at work and I'll look back and read this and smile, because this problem will likely be a thing of the past. And in 6 years, I'll look back and read this and laugh because I am/was worried about something so small. Then I'll get in my Corolla-limo and drive to a show with Weird Al on VH1.

Ahhh delusions of grandeur...

Would the dummy juggle?

Last night while writing at the Starbucks in Westport, I came upon a startling discovery; it's not the premise that makes a comedian unique, it's the way he/she presents said premise. I've been sitting on a Halloween premise for at least two months, because I don't know how to word the joke. And since wording and delivery are as or more important than the premise itself, (see here or here for further info) I'm kind of at a loss. I was talking to Janine Brito and I think my delivery has gotten a little stale, and I'm really not sure what to do about it. Acting classes? Red Bull before getting on stage? Buddhist meditation? I realize that some people just aren't cut out to be comedians, but I refuse to believe I fall into that category. It's so frustrating, because most of the advice I hear/read says something like "you'll find it when you find it". Kind of the way Columbus found America while looking for India? If you follow that type of thinking, I'm probably going to end up as a magician or something. Oooh or better yet a ventriloquist who juggles!
As for the crowd last night, there must be something in the water, because the level of apathy in the room last night largely resembled the Bistro on Monday. It wasn't a very good example of crowd size/quality for the two comedians who drove down from Minneapolis. One, Mike Brody, used to run an open mic I hit when I lived in Minneapolis, and the other, Nicholas Anthony, was in Las Vegas last October. It was really cool to BS and catch up on some Minneapolis news (even though I haven't been there in 2 years or so. Anyway, I did my set and may or may not have gotten laughs (I'll have to check the audio), but I distinctly remember mumbling the f-word in the plural vocative¹ (ie ****ers) under my breath, I don't think the crowd caught it, but that doesn't matter to me. It's not just the not-being-clean that bugs me, that's also a sign I'm getting frustrated on stage; and there has to be visual signs clueing the audience in. And if they know I'm rattled, I'm not going to sell my jokes.
------------
¹ Vocative: adj : relating to a case used in some languages; "vocative verb endings" n : the case (in some inflected languages) used when the referent of the noun is being addressed.

Survey says...

I showed up last night at the Bistro at 8:45 per Clayton Champagne's instructions. Apparently I'm the only comic who actually reads the emails he sends out. No worries, though, as there wasn't any actual audience until about 9:45 or so. Clayton MC's as per usual and let me go up. I'm a little disappointed as I worked blue again. I remember punching my Valentine's day joke with a curse word, later Clayton helped me substitute the word "tramp". Anyway, I did about 9 and closed on my Ferrari/Corolla joke, which I usually open with. It was definitely a weird night for comedy; at one point I actually told the audience if they fakes agreeing with me, I'd be done a whole lot sooner. Sadly, that kind of sounds like my love life. And so does this. "I'm done, good night".¹
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Footnotes:
¹: Dirty? Yes. Graphic? No. Judges? DING!

a subject of none is so boring, but I couldn't think of anything else

Last night I Metro'd down by the Arch for some open mic in the main theatre room of Laughs on the Landing. I brought out almost every joke I've been doing in the past couple months in one set and recorded/timed it. 7:50. I'm alright with that. I switched around my Sports/Sex joke so it doesn't sound like I'm just listing off stuff. Instead of an X-Y-1234 style, it's more X-12-Y-34 where X is part of a setup and Y is the second part. Anyway, I'm at the point now where I think I need to pull out some of my older material and get it into shape. Then again, I would also like to start working on some new material and premises I've come up with. There doesn't seem to be enough time in the day, or enough stage time in the week... (sigh).
In any case, I liked the theatre room at LL, but everyone pretty much filled up the back of the room. If they had seaters (which I know is another person to pay, and for an open mic night without a cover charge, that's asking a lot) that would help. My stage time was fun, but I have a feeling I need to go back and study my delivery. I really don't want to lug around my video camera, but if I have to in order to keep my stage presence from getting stale, I will.

Working under Yakov

Last night I showed up at Starbucks to do some writing and I saw Tommy Jonhagin and Andy Woodhull. They were in town for Aspen Comedy Festival and so there was no open mic. I checked out the show, and Matt Behrens asked if I would keep time, which was pretty cool, because he could have asked ANYONE else to do it. The show last night was awesome and we got out in time for me to get some McDonalds and slap together a new strip. Pillows are hard to draw.

cats and dogs

Just so people don't think I'm 100% lazy; I'm actually blogging about yesterday's comedy. Or lack thereof. Lately I've been waiting more than a day or two to put my thoughts on, er, paper. Anyway, it was raining last night. A lot. But comedy is comedy, and I try not to put anything in front of it; so I jumped in my Corolla, and drove to St. Charles. At one point, I remember going through a stop light and realizing only too late that it wasn't functional due to power outages. Luckily, no one hit my car with theirs. I really should pay more attention to driving, but, what can I say, I was rocking out to some DJ Funk, an album I heard Kevin Bozeman listening to when I worked with him and Pat Dixon in Fairview Heights. The CD is horrible, which is probably why I like it so much. But I digress. I got down to the historical Main Street in St. Charles and found it to be almost entirely without power. :(
So I called Clayton Champagne and asked about the situation. He confirmed no power and said there probably wouldn't be a show. So I went home, and played some Yohoho Puzzle Pirates to celebrate National Talk Like a Pirate Day.
I really wanted to get some stage time, because I want to take everything I've been working on for the past 3 months or so and do it in one set, and try to get it on audio. I'm hoping I can get about 6 to 7 minutes out of it, but that's probably very wishful thinking. Anyway, the Westport list isn't up while I type this, so I don't know if I'm up. Halloween's coming up, which means I should try out this Halloween joke I came up with during the Funny Bone workshop.
Easier said than done.
Yarrr.

cans of paint and sports

Last night I met John Garrison in the lobby of where we work and drove to the airport Metro Station to pick up Jammer Bicks. From there we went to Troy, IL to rendezvous with Tom Milster. Then we headed to Springfield, IL. We got there super early, and had a bunch of time to sit around. There were 7 comedians in the show total, the four of us, a guy named Tim, a guy named Kevin (both of whom I've met before) and a guy named Dallas. The Line up was thus; Jammer, John, Tom, ME!, Dallas, Kevin, Tim. I tried my new [Internet/friend] joke, which was probably risky since it was a competition, but I wanted to fill a bit of time. I ended up doing about 5 1/2 minutes out of the 6 they wanted.
I can't comment for how others felt on stage, but I enjoyed my time. I'm realizing more that I am over talking my punch lines. Meaning I'll punch a joke and then mutter something like "that isn't cool" or something. I'm afraid it could be distracting, but I can see myself doing it because I feel my punch lines need validation, which probably means I don't believe in that joke, or I'm not delivering it in a way I believe is effective. I have a microphone clip thing I could put on my collar to get a closer take on what comes out of my mouth (versus what comes over the speakers), maybe I should use that. Anyway, John Garrison took first place, Dallas second, and Tom Milster third. After Springfield, Jammer, John and I hit LL and did a little time. At LL I did almost the exact same set I did in Springfield, only I ordered some jokes differently and I did the [Internet/Friend] joke. Oh the way to dropping John off, he and I worked on that joke a bit and added a couple things. I'm pretty excited to see how it sounds when it gets a little longer.

new jokes and new faces

To understand what happened with my stage time Tuesday, one has to know about the crowd. And all you need to know is they were pretty unenergetic. There was a bachelorette party (on a Tuesday?) which are usually known for being crazy and drunk and rowdy. But not these ladies, they had other plans (and tranquilizers, probably). Anyway, I can't say that the other comics did badly (because it's not like I brought down the house, you know?); I didn't see a bunch of the show because I was trying to talk shop in the bar. I do remember Scott Avery coming out and asking last week's feature (Stewart Huff) from Fairview Heights to do some time and "save" the show. Near the end of the show, there was a first timer who did about 3 minutes of characters from around where he lives (Southern IL or something like that), and finished by basically doing a PG-rated strip routine and contorting his leg behind his back and over his shoulder. And I got to follow that. Anyway, my set went as well as I could have hoped in the circumstances and I tried out a new bit with actually features a clean bestiality joke. I like the joke, and I think it can be built up a bit and hopefully turned into a longer, more developed subject. The Springfield competition is tonight, so it's road trip time.