good news

I think I forgot to mention this, but I spoke with Harry Seise, my 'boss' or contact at Hard Times in Montgomery city. Anyway, I spoke with him and we're still cool, which is a relief to me, and he wants to do more shows, just not until the summer is over. We have shows scheduled for October 20th and and December 15th. I'm pretty excited, and I'm hoping we can set up something to attract people to the shows. Suggestions are welcome...

I'll admit, there were some laughs...

Joe Lehnig called me and wanted to ride together to the Landing for the open mic at Laughs on the Landing. We agreed on 7:30, which meant he knocked on my door at 7:40. I drove like a mad man and we made it by the 8:15 'cut off'. I say 'cut off' because they're not real strict about it at "LL"¹. I'm pretty particular about being prompt (ok, I hate being late), so we may have went a little fast.
There were even more guys from the Funny Bone there this time around, which is pretty cool, Chad Huff, Tom Milster Paul Harris, Matt Wolff, Anthony Joplin, and Ken Jr. were all there, (and Joe, of course).
Anyway, my set was lot of fun last night, I think I brought some decent excitment to the stage and projected pretty well considering the PA system isn't the best. Also, my make-a-wish line was well received. If a crowd doesn't like that line, usually they're not going to enjoy my fat jokes.
LL'll² be having auditions for their improv troup next Wednesday before the open mic. I had briefly entertained the notion of trying out, after all, I would like to gain some improv skills on stage. I'm usually concentrating too hard on stage to really be creative, and I'd like to get away from that, but I'm not sure if I have the time/effort to devote to a "second job". Plus, you know, I'd feel bad having to quit when I blow up and become rich and famous.³
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1. "LL": My new abbriation for "Laughs on the Landing". If you don't like it, too bad.
2. "LL'll": Contraction for the phrase "LL will".
3. Just let me have my delusions, ok?

nice guys finish last

I was on stage tonight!!! I was scheduled to go up last, which I don't mind. I had the whole show to prepare (and watch the other comedians, of course). I psyched up myself by repeating the word "comedy" over and over again. For a while I was doing it to the rhythem of that piano song Chopsticks. I was also saying the phrase "Yodel Lady" really quickly. That one's harder and has pretty much nothing to do with comedy. Anyway I really feel I had good energy on stage, or at least I was excited. I did a new joke, and at one point said the word "ass" which bugs me a little. Anyway, at the request of Paul Harris' girlfriend I did the Tetris jokes and closed with my tampon tag. I was on stage for almost exactly four minutes. You can hear my set here.

joke database joke database joke database joSYSTEM ERROR

I'm at work right now, it's almost lunch and I finished a project for my boss, Jay. He's not in his office so I have time to write this. For quite a while now, I've been trying to organize my jokes in written form so I know what all "complete" jokes I have, what jokes in progress I should be working on, and what "one liners" I can insert between existing jokes. I have binders, notebooks, and notecards out the wazoo to help in this progress. Sadly, however, I have many duplicates of many jokes spanning the different mediae.
At my job, I work primarily with databases, and one of my ever present problems is duplicates messing up my reports. Yesterday it dawned on me, I could design a joke database. So I did. And I spent most of the rest of the day entering my jokes, throwing out paper, and organizing stuff in a hopefully sane manner. Now jokes that are entered are searchable by title (in this blog I often refer jokes by their title, TETRIS, for example), catagory (ie Family, Seminary, Alcohol, Skiing) and secondary catagory (ie fat jokes, spanish). I also have a field to show which joke typically comes next and I have plans to enter a field for callbacks, should I ever write a joke WITH a call back...
Anyway, I was telling this to a friend over the phone and he said "you know that's almost a joke in itself". And he might be correct, although I am afraid to enter a database joke into the joke database for fear it would think I am making fun of it and crash my computer. Then I would be left without jokes, a joke database and I would only have a joke database joke. Anyway, I entered over 50 different records yesterday and am hoping I can find a way to piece them all together so I can approximate how much of a dork I really am. kidding, the goal right now is to see how much time I have and work on the "lesser" jokes, that is, the jokes that aren't necessarily as funny, but have potential. Anyway, now that I have the joke database, I figure other comics might want it. So it's available for 10 bucks, just email me. It required MS Access which is part of Microsoft Office, you can get that for free here.

Last night I went to Westport to see my friend Tommy Johnagin who was at the Las Vegas Comedy Fesitval with myself, Andy Woodhull and Gordon Baker Bone. Tommy is extremely funny and is probably the "dirtiest clean comic" I've ever seen. The headliner was Chad Daniels. I'll put it this way, I watched all three shows last night, and laughed so hard I almost peed every show. My stomach hurt really bad during the midnight show. Chad's that funny.

live and learn

OK, I know I was going to start blogging at the end of the day so that I could type what I was feeling, but seriously, after my show at Hard Times, this blog wouldn't have made sense. (If you're reading this outload, that last part would be said "this blog wouldn't of made sense. English major, moving on...)
Thursday was a fantastic night, if you were a weatherman. The temperature was warm, with a slight breeze, a huge thunderstorm was on it's way, so there was that nice calm beforehand. It was absolutely tranquil. If you're a weatherman. If you're a comedian, though, Thursday sucked because everyone was probably spending a little time outdoors. Montgomery city is a farm town, and it's harvest season (I didn't know it was harvest season when I booked the show). Anyway when Janine, Bill and I arrived, there were maybe 10 people in the bar. Last time(s) there were maybe 20 or 30 already there when I arrived. Anyway, apparently the owners of the bar also own a steakhouse, which was being relocated the very week of my comedy show. Since the steak house wasn't open, they weren't spreading word of mouth or selling tickets from there. Uh, problem. So when showtime came at 8:10ish, we decided to push it back a bit. We ended up starting at about quarted to nine with a crowd of 18 people, I think. I MC'd and my order was crazy-all-over-the-place. I've never told my jokes in any kind of order like that before, it was very on-the-fly. I kind of liked it because it was new. Janine got up, and I forget which joke it was, but she got an applause break. From 18 people. Yeah, I'm jealous. Bill Davis did well, though the audience seemed to be in and out, I don't know why. There's something immediately interesting about a 68 year old man talking about being sexually active. JImmy Rice headlined and did about 45 minutes, he played with the crowd a lot, which I appreciated because I know it couldn't have been easy.
In anycase, the show wasn't horrible, but I can't help but think about the first one, and how it was so successful. I just wanted to have some sort of unblemished "I hosted another good show" type of thing and that's definately not possible now.
I did learn some stuff about booking and talking with Jimmy before I learned about what it's like to quit the day job and go for it. THe drive home was ridiculous thanks for the aforementioned thunderstorm. But I made it home around midnight and wasn't too terribly late to work the next day. For those of you that are curious, Futurama was not on, but I wouldn't have caught it if it was.

Laclede's Landing

Tonight I stopped by Laughs on the Landing for their open mic night. As the night went on, the audience grew, but after a bit some of the crowd took off, especially after Monray Griffen got done. He literally said he wasn't trying to be funny, he was just trying to offend people. The show didn't really start until about nine, even though it was billed as an 8:30 start time, but that's alright I guess. Needless to say, it was a light audience by the time I got up, and the PA wasn't the greatest, so the audience might not have been able to hear me. Then again, I might have just sucked. I did have fun though, which I really needed. The front row was "packed" with some improvers who work there, and I recognized one guy from City Improv in Union Station. I also tried out some sports jokes and they went over alright. Being new they need some work. Maybe I'll bust them out tomorrow...

not to worry

I wasn't on at the Bone tonight, so I hung out in the back. They threw up extra people so the show ran long, and I ended up missing most of Futurama. I only mention that because 1) few things make me as happy as watching Futurama at 10:00pm on Cartoon Network, and 2) few things make me as happy as watching Futurama at 10:00pm on Cartoon Network. I've always maintained that comedy came first, above all things. And now I don't think it does. I still enjoy comedy, and I don't plan on quitting or doing something drastic/stupid like that, but I realized I'm not as "hungry" as I used to be. I don't run out and do crazy bar shows like the Red Sea anymore (work sucks way too much when I do), I'm not even going to the Forum anymore (no matter what the reasons, I'm still not there). I mean I went out to Springfield last week, but I am not getting on stage as much at all, and it just seems like I'm not catching the "breaks" I was. Not that I want to sound bitter... Not that I've gotten that many breaks...
I'm just kind of afraid now that, due to my all-or-none personality, comedy will take a backseat to new video games and stuff.

Not a bad hump day...

Tonight I'm going to try something different; that is, I'm going to write my blog tonight. Usually I write these at work, but today my boss came over to my desk and I really didn't want them to see me goofing off on the internet at work. Anyway, tonight was the "Springfield Showdown" in Illinois. I was supposed to meet Joe Lehnig at my place this afternoon, but since I left early last night I was unable to clarify directions; plus my bosses kept me a little late, so I didn't end up meeting him. Therefore I was the only St. Louis guy to go. I met some guys who were there in March (I missed April) and Greg Larson who I met in Bloomington in February. Anyway, I had a much better time on stage, and when I get a sound card, I'm going to try to put up tonight's clip. Anyway, there was actually an audience, and 10 comedians in the contest. I went up 8th, following one of the two other bald guys). The results were kind of weird, though, as two people tied for third, two people tied for second (I tied with a lady called "Doctor T.") and the two other bald guys, Dan and Travis tied for first.
The drive home was nerve-wracking as it rained a ton and semi trucks seem to have a habit of passing my Corolla and throwing tons of water on my wind-shield. In any case, I made it home safe and in time for Futurama, and that's what matters...

breakin' the law

Last night at the funny Bone, I was on stage for the first time in, I honestly don't know, a couple weeks at least. And I bombed. I'm not entirely sure why, but as always, I am willing to guess; first off, I broke two of my cardinal rules;
Rule Number One: No cheat sheets, it's ok to have one in a pocket (like a security blanket) but if I have to use it, I'm not doing my "homework".
Rule Number Two: No new-material heavy sets, last night I started out with the ol' Make-A-Wish line (which got groaned) and then I followed with about 1 to 2 minutes of new stuff (which I've already alluded to being ill-prepared). It's really hard to present new material to an audience you (meaning I) have not connected to; presenting it too early in a set is dangerous, and presenting it following a joke (Make-A-Wish) that seperates you (me) from the audience is just dumb especially if you (still me; technically, "I") don't present the joke well (meaning with conviction, emotion, or condidence).
So that's why I-as-a-comedian failed, however, I don't think I was the only one not pleased with their set last night. Some guys did well, others did alright, few did as poorly as I did. The audience was composed mostly of friends/acquiantances of a first-timer. Generally audiences like this don't know how to behave; that is drink a lot and pay attention to the comics; they usually just drink a little and wait for their friend to get on stage.
In retrospect, I can see myself doing the same with old material as I did with new material. I started off with that crowd on a bad foot (cancer joke). I would have done that anyway (new material or not). Even in the end, when I tried to salvage my set by doing some work jokes, I couldn't get it back. Maybe if I try a couple of the newbies in other places (cleverly hidden among older jokes) I'll have a better indication of whether they work... In anycase, the Springfield competition is tonight, and there's no way I'm doing new stuff there...

better than NPR

Yesterday Pete Lytal called around 3 in the afternoon. He said he needed to tape the feature performer in Fairview Heights that evening. Pete has borrowed my camera before. I found out the feature was Amy Anderson and got excited. I've seen Amy on Comedy Central and am a fan. I said I'd definately be out there. I arrive in time for the first show and there were two bachelorette parties, so Amy got a little derailed on stage (that is to say, she started making weiner jokes and other such bachelorette jokes). She actually told me from the stage that I could stop taping. I thought that was pretty funny. The second show went really well, and afterwards I met Amy's boyfriend, Kent Emmons, the Chairman/CEO of the upcoming National Lampoon Radio Network. He was pretty cool and in a plesant mood (which is always cool). Anyway, I refused payment for the taping, and so Amy gave me a signed CD (awesome). We exchanged cards and he told me to call his office, which I will do. He asked if I did any audio stuff, I think he was referring to skits or songs and such. I'm not entirely sure. A phone call or two should clear it up. In anycase, the Springfield contest is this week, and I've got a couple new jokes I want to try out. I don't think they are that strong yet, but doing them on stage may yield some ideas (either from me, or from someone else). That's all I got for now.
-Marcus

Late, with little to say

"Today's" blog is over two days late, and I'm not really sure why. I mean I know why but I odn't know why I didn't feel like putting anything down. I wasn't on stage Tuesday, so I went home and cranked out another Bucket of Fish referring to a conversation I heard Matt Behrens having. I'm kind of off the writing wagan as of late, I haven't really had the ideas to work on lately; no new premises. I'm not good at just writing what pops in my head, I mean my handwriting is horrible. I type almost everything that needs to be put on paper, in fact I'm in the process of transferring all of my jokes to printed joke sheets. I am such a dork. I would just sit in front of my computer and write, but I get distracted so easily. I've uninstalled almost all of my favorite computer games, but then I found out I have Miscrosoft Hearts on my computer, and the next thing I knew I was late to work... There's an episode of Malcolm in the Middle where Francis has to concntrate on a homework assignment, and he procrastinates so bad that he actually makes a maze/race track for a cockroach or snail (I forget what it was) and does time trials that take forever. I feel like that sometimes. I did come up with a couple new ideas to work on last night, though. I'd really like to get into the whole "pain is funny" aspect of comedy. It's not like I've had a horrible life, my parent's never divorced, they treated me well and we never went hungry, but I was never popular in grade/high school, and I got made fun of alot. And that has almost everything with my personality today, and I'd really like to talk about that, or rather, I think I deserve to get some jokes out of that. I actually mention "all the kids at St. Brendan's Catholic Grade School on my Thanks page because of that. My best friend and co-graduate from St. Thomas Seminary asked why I listed my arch-nemisis (yeah, I'm a super hero) under the high school section (and in front of my class-mate to boot!). That guy made me so miserable in high school I had no choice but to laugh with him. Pain is funny, I guess. I was reading a Judy Carter book, and she touches on the fact that comics, as a whole, aren't right. I guess she's right, a lot of us probably should either be in therapy, are in therapy, or use comedy as a form of therapy. Pain can be really funny, I guess, though usually not at the time. I mean the majority of my act is in one way about pain (getting dumped, fired, humiliated on the ski slopes); Not in the way Christopher Titus's standup is about pain, I mean I didn't go through anything like that nor do I want to put myself on that level. My new philosophy, or hope rather, is that almost anything can happen, and I'll be alright if I can get a joke out of it. I just want to laugh at life, (that'd be a good CD name... Laughing at Life). So far, though, nothing's real funny about someone smashing my car door in the Westport parking lot... Whoa, I started this blog with nothing to write, and I tangent off for half a screen... Anyway, it's Friday, sorry about the tardiness of the blog... see you next week.
-Marcus

The Parrot's Bar benefit.

Yesterday I hopped over to the Parrot's Bar for the afternoon. Tim Healey had asked a while back if any comics would be interested in doing some time for a benefit for a little girl named Allison Pena who has leukemia. I showed up around 2pm (early as usual) ate some BBQ, drank some soda and played Golden Tee 2004. Eventually Andrew Faasen and Matt Wolff showed up. Nick Cusamano showed up as well. After talking to Paul (the owner) and Mike (one of the bartenders) we were "ready" for the show. No one really wanted to go first, so I was "elected" host and MC (always ok by me). I went up, did my time, actually got heckled by a 7 year old boy, and actually got some laughs. The crowd, though numerous, wasn't prepared for a comedy show, which is ok, they were still there (and that was the important part). I brough Faasen up after me, and he did as much clean material as he could and left. After a couple announcements, I brought up Nick, who has taken the stage name "Whopper". He did probably 20 or more minutes of time. Somewhere in there (either after Andy or Nick), I tried to get that heckling kid to do a knock-knock joke (Off stage I asked if he could tell one, and he was like "sure, I know millions!", it was hilarious). Anyway, he didn't want to, so a little girl named Clarissa came up and told one (I don't remember what it was), and then Allison came up and told one. It was very cute. Matt Wolff "headlined" and actually did a pretty good job of keeping it clean. Almost as soon as the show ended, Joe Lehnig showed up, I didn't stay for the second show, because I had stuff to do, but I can only imagine how Joe did in the way of cleanliness. Those poor kids...