Last night at the Landing I had pretty much no fun at all. I was super excited to get on stage in front of an all comedian crowd, but when I actually got up and started working through the premises I had (I wasn't doing my regular stuff, really I wasn't doing anything I'd really worked on with an actual effort). Anyway, I got off stage feeling crappy. I sincerely believe it's never the crowd, or often it's not the crowd, and other guys last night got laughs, so if the crowd's not my problem, that leaves one thing. My shirt. Or me. Whichever.
I've known a couple of comedians who said that they had (had) to make it doing comedy because they didn't have anything else to be successful at. It's like they're in it for the money and the fame, or at least the money. But looking at myself, I don't see my intentions being much better. At a family reunion recently, relatives asked if I was still doing comedy. I don't know if I could ever look one of them in the eye and say "No, it was too hard" or something like that. So am I still in it because of my pride? Is that it? I mean I love making people happy, and my favorite way to do that is to make people laugh. But lately, I haven't been succeeding very well on stage. So I'm not doing it because it's fun or because it makes me happy, am I? Chad Huff told me once not to treat comedy like it's a job, and I don't think I am. But I think I am treating it like an obligation and I'm just not letting myself enjoy my stage time. I have some theories and ideas of what I could do, like take a break from comedy, or start drinking again, but I really don't think either of those things is going to help. Plus, neither sounds very appealing. I really don't think I can finish my thoughts on this subject in just one blogging, especially since I'm at work and supposed to be testing some weird queue software...
Also, I realize that this isn't the best blog for my "loyal readers" as far as interest goes, but Jeremy Essig's Notes isn't always about Comedy, but it's still cool to read. Likewise, Greg Warren's Journal seems like Greg talking about his problems (problems with Shoe stores, Mayonnaise and Starbucks, yes, but problems nonetheless). What I'm getting at is in 6 months, I'll be bored at work and I'll look back and read this and smile, because this problem will likely be a thing of the past. And in 6 years, I'll look back and read this and laugh because I am/was worried about something so small. Then I'll get in my Corolla-limo and drive to a show with Weird Al on VH1.
Ahhh delusions of grandeur...