Tonight a lot of cool stuff happened, I hit the Springfield open mic with Mikey Manker, I put down an Arby's 5 for 5.95 like no one's business and I dropped both the F-bomb and Dirty-C on stage at the Landing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little over four years ago I started doing standup, it was in Columbia MO, so I literally got on stage (someplace or another) once every other month. I learned next to nothing, so I don't like to count it when people ask "How long you been doing stand up?"
Anyway, during my second year at Columbia College, I put on a show called "HaHa@Cc". A bunch of people on campus showed up to watch myself, David Wells and Justin Williams (two of the most outrageous and funny guys I've ever known) perform. Some of my relatives also showed up; most noteably my mom and dad. What I'll never forget about the evening is my mom saying something like "I know you want to do this," (meaning comedy, professionally), "but don't embarrass me, try and keep it clean". My mom passed away less than six months later. I learned later that my mom actually retold some of my jokes to her friends... She is the one and only reason I work clean on stage.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~end flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I curse in real life; like a sailor sometimes; I was an English major in college and I honestly believe all words are important and valid, but everytime I get on stage and work clean, I think about my mom. And tonight I uttered the two "worst" words known to the English language. If you haven't heard "the joke" it goes like this,
"I read an article that said bad words are only bad because people haven't gotten accustomed to them. Words like the F-bomb, the dirty-C and the N-word are only offensive because people still refer to them as the F-bomb, the dirty-C and the N-word. The article said they even do it in children's books: In Harry Potter, they don't call the villian, Lord Voldermort, Lord Voldermort. They call him "He who must not be named" and by doing give his name more power."
Usually I end with "So according to HK Rowling, Lord Voldermort is a n****r". Tonight I ended with "So according to HK Rowling, Lord Voldermort is a f***ing *unt". I'm sure you can figure that out.
Here's my problem. (And I explained this on stage tonight) When I use the N-word, apparently I'm a racist. Mainly because I'm a bald white guy saying the N-word. But that's the problem. Because of my appearance, the way I look, I am not allowed to say a particular thing or do a particular thing? Now that sounds kind of racist to me. But using the F and C words is in no way shape or form "clean".
Now apparently using the F+C combonation platter tonight was way funnier than using the N-word. Or maybe it was a clean comic shocking the entire room with his vulgarity. I don't know; All I know is I won't likely use the F+C phrase again because it's not clean. I feel I can use the N-word and argue my way out of being called racist. I can't use the aforementioned vularity and call myself clean, though. And I don't want to dumb it down and say "So according to HK Rowling, Lord Voldermort is an effing negro" because by doing that, I'm going against 1) what I believe, and 2) what my joke is talking about.
So I have three options:
1) use the N-word and risk being called a racist
2) use the poopoo platter and stop calling myself clean
3) drop the joke
Different people give me different advice, like "use the N-word" or "don't use the N-word" or "cuss more often" or "stay clean". It's not like I can do that joke as an opener anyway, it could totally set the wrong mood for a professional show; but that's the edgiest, guttsiest joke I have and I like it for that.
I'm not sure if this is all pieced together the way I want, but it's 12:30am, and I should be sleeping now...
Look around you all you see are sympathetic eyes