I was at the Comedy Forum tonight, and near the beginning of the night, it looked like we were going to have a small group of comics go on for a smaller audience. Later, after the meeting, it looked like we were going to have a big group of comics go on in front of a bigger audience. Andrew Topping hosted and I was up second. Jeff Wesselschmidt would later tell me that he loves it when I turn on a crowd. Because apparently I turned on the crowd. Somewhere within my first joke, an audience member (who sat in the very last row, so I hated those audience members already (I mean it's not CHURCH, so what are you "hiding" from?)) said something and I immediately told him to shut up. He piped up a couple of times and I was rude and insulted his hypothetical G.E.D. Anyway, I did my married woman joke and my presidential impersonations thing and launched into my I guess you had to be there t-shirt idea. I kind of gave up on the crowd, and probably pissed them off for yelling at that dude so quickly. My lesson learned tonight was not to go after a talkative audience member within the first 10 minutes of the show.
Speaking of advice; I've been asked for a lot of advice lately from new comics; and it's really weird. For starters I don't know that much myself, so I think it's weird that someone thinks I can teach them. Secondly, I've been in the position of asking advice; it made me think of the comics and people from whom I ask advice (I basically only ask advice from people I respect and think are funny).
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Another comic and I used to talk about how we saw ourselves as the lame kids in high school and one group of comics as the cool kids (Alpha Betas, Blue Ribbons, the Claire Standish's and Andrew Clark's). My friend and I were kind of afraid of talking to the cool kids for fear of making ourselves look stupid. But we would occasionally ask them for advice.
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That's how I have felt (sadly, I am not Judd Nelson-ish enough for my own tastes) lately. Regardless, I've been asked advice about stuff like stage presence and how to write jokes. The weird part is I remember asking those questions, and I remember figuring out the answers of having them being told to me. So I kind of reenacted it, only with the other person playing the part of me. So when a dude asked how to write jokes (I think he wanted a kind of Holy Graille format to writing jokes - like a way to make ANYTHING funny). I mean I've asked comics if they knew that before, but there's no real answer to that question. So I just told him how I write and hoped he would use what I said to supplement his own style. It was a weird situation, because I don't think I'm qualified for that kind of thing.
Another thing has been on my mind. I know it's idiotic, but I'm getting offended by people calling themselves "comics", and talking about their "dream" when they've been at less than a dozen open mics. Maybe I'm being immature or dumb, but I get upset when people try to put their new-found hobby on the same level as my near-career. (It was either call it a destiny, which I think is too much, or near-career). In the past four years, I've met probably fifty to a hundred people who've all showed up with a couple minutes of jokes and dreams of stardom and then were never seen or heard from again. Meanwhile, I've been at hundreds of open mics, gone from never working professionally to getting booked in seven states (performing in ten) and working a dozen clubs. And they have the "nerve" to call themselves aspiring comedians, or say that Stand-Up is their favorite thing in the world. If so, why don't I see them at every open mic? (The first thing I did in St Louis was find out where all the open mics were. Sounds like a logical step, right? Find one open mic, then ask the people more where to find other open mics... Rinse Repeat). I know I come off as a complete egotistical a-hole, especially since I SAY "Comedy is my favorite thing" and I CALL IT "my dream"...I know there's no way to tell if these noobs will be around in four years... but when people do open mic twice and then immediately make a Myspace Comedy page, it cheapens what I do. And that's not right. I've heard comics call the clubs their churches, and I completely see that point of view. Comedy is my religion, and I can't stand blasphemers.