Clayton Champagne has more than once likened me to "B-Rabbit" from the movie 8 Mile, probably because I used to always have headphones on at the clubs. It's 4:35 in the morning on June 17th, and I have about 15 hours before the show at the Vu. It seems like the biggest thing in the world to me. I am nervous as all eff. The song Lose Yourself by Eminem from the aforementioned movie has the right idea. You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo.
Right now, I kind of wonder why we do it. We meaning comedians. Why do we subject ourselves to the opinions of others; why do we take a part of us, a part that we work very hard on, and allow people-who(for the most part)-don't-understand-how-hard-it-is-to-be-creative-and-create-something-like-this judge us. Everyone's different, I know; so the motives would reflect that. My motive, I guess is I like making people happy. I like making people laugh. And I want people to like me. And I'm not really good at anything else... OK, that last statement isn't exactly true, but it does illustrate my next point; comedians are crazy. Some are zany and wacky and nuts and bizarre and some are normal, or dark or angry or silly or clean or whatever. But all of us are crazy in some way or another. I mean I have terrible people skills, partly because I feel awkward in social situations, partly because I make myself stand out in social situations (which usually results in my feeling awkward). Another example would be the people who tried out for Last Comic Standing. Why subject yourself to such disappointment knowing that the chances of complete success (ie, winning the title of Last Comic Standing) are so slim? I mean when you play the lottery, they don't come kick you in the stomach and slash your tires.
I don't understand it, but I think I can accept that, because the payoff is sweet. I nailed the auditions in Wisconsin, I was nervous (not nearly as nervous as I am now) but the payoff made it all worth it. But there was work or a chance of work on the line. I get to work at those clubs now... There's nothing really to gain from my audition at the Vu... Other than being proud of myself, which as good as it is, doesn't really amount to much in the long run. I have a bad habit of focusing on negative results for long periods of time and promptly forgetting the achievements.
I think I could actually sleep now, the four RedBulls I drank are probably wearing off. The Vu will be an adventure. The nervous feeling is there, but for some reason it feels like it should be... I think the nervousness just makes victory all the more uhmazing... I love this game.